Of love and other failures
by bloodyXwhiteXrabbit
Summary: Tavros has moved to a new town. After being accepted rather quickly at school he thinks life will be perfect, but what will he do between two crushes, fighting parents and a shadow from his past that is keen on continueing her evil plan? And what does all of this have to do with a certain other past and a promise that had been made, years ago? AU/Schoolstuck
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Hi guys :D this is my first Homestuck fic :)**

**It is AU, and school, yeah i know overused ;)**  
**At first this was only supposed to be a little nice fic, but in the end it turned out to be a big story in my head.**  
**The first few chapters will be short, while the later ones will be big.**  
**I just want to get somewhere with this :P**

**Summary:** Tavros has moved to a new town. After being accepted rather quickly at school he thinks life will be perfect, but what will he do between two crushes, fighting parents and a shadow from his past that is keen on continueing her evil plan?  
And what does all of this have to do with a certain other past and a promise that had been made, years ago?

Disclaimer: i don't own anything

* * *

„You ready champ?"

Tavros Nitram, a boy of fifteen years gulped and nodded at his father, who patted his shoulder encouragingly.  
Absentmindedly, Tavros brushed his hand over his spiky dark Mohawk, hoping that the fear and horror inside of his stomach would cease over time.

It was not like this was his first time, changing schools, but this was high school now. And they had moved and now it was a completely different state.  
He would stand out with his unusual tan and his strange southern accent…  
And of course, his wheel chair.

He had been cuffed to this godawful piece of metal ever since… an accident five years ago.  
Even before the incident, he had been a shy and rather secluded boy, but at least he had been able to run away from the bullies…  
Now, his legs were useless…  
Though to be honest, Tavros was happy that he didn't have stumps, they were simply completely and utterly numb.  
It had been a fracture of his spine that had rendered them useless.

But even without being paraplegic, he would have had trouble fitting in, somehow, no matter what he did, no one ever seemed to like him.  
It was not like they hated him, though some had picked on him, it was more like he was pretty invisible…

"Come on, Tavros, we need to get your wheels inside the car" his father called, chuckling at the spaced out expression on his son's face.

Blushing a bit, Tavros made to roll over to his dad's car, his purple backpack on his lap.  
He easily made it inside the car, and let his dad fold the wheel chair, before loading it into the back of the car.  
This was going to be the only time Tav'd be able to go to school with his dad's car.  
After that, he'd have to go alone.  
It was not like school was far away, and Tavros liked to be independent, but at the moment, he was extremely glad to have his chatty father by his side.

And when he stood at the very beginning of the lively hallway, he really wished to be back inside the car.  
People brushed by him, bumping into him and glaring at him while doing so.  
He tried to move out of the way, but somehow he had to get to the director's office, which was proving to be harder than expected.  
The school building was pretty small, but with a lot of students…  
Slowly and carefully, Tavros tried to navigate through the crowd, feeling anger and desperation forming a lump in his throat.

He cursed those stupid looks and the situation that showed just how helpless he was, even after five years of practice.  
God, why couldn't he just have functioning legs?

Suddenly, Tav was ripped out of his frustrated thoughts, when a huge brute bumped into him hard, and nearly threw him out of his wheel chair.  
Tav yelped and tried to regain balance, hearing the brute apologize before running off.

"GOD DAMMIT!" Tav heard someone yell, just behind his back, before he was pulled away, hearing several curses.

Startled, he turned around, looking up into a pale face.  
It was a guy, about his age, maybe older, with dark grey eyes and tousled black hair.  
As mentioned before, he was really pale with dark shadows under his eyes, making him look extremely grumpy.  
But he was short…

Really short to be honest.

"DUDE!" the guy practically yelled at Tavros, making him flinch.

Immediately, some kind of embarrassment flashed over the guys face, and his scowl softened a bit.

"It's dangerous to charge in like this" he continued.

"These FUCKASSES" he gestured to the crowd "won't look out for you and simply trample over you like a fucking horde of idiotic and stupid elephants!"

Wow, Tavros thought, this guy sure was loud and a bit choleric even. But hey, he was nice.

"Uh, t-thank you" Tavros stuttered, another problem he had.

For a short moment, the guy looked happy, but it changed instantly, leaving behind the usual scowl.

"Whatever. Hey, I've never seen you around. I mean not that I know everyone, it's just, a kid in a wheel chair would get noticed I think. All the freaks are famous around here."

Hurt, Tavros started fidgeting with his hands. That had really hurt.

"God damn, KK!"

Both turned to see another young man making his way through the crowd, smiling a smug smile.  
He looked pretty peculiar, but from the looks the girls gave him, he was pretty popular.  
Instead of normal glasses, his eyes were hidden by completely untransparant red and blue glasses.  
Somehow everything about him screamed sexy nerd with some kind of dual complex.  
His shirt carried the zodiac sign of Gemini and his shoes were two different colours, black and white, while he wore wristbands on both wrists, also black and white.  
His black hair was tousled a bit, but still looked perfectly in place somehow.

Before the guy named KK could react, the – let's call him twin-guy for now – smacked KK's shoulder and completely ignored Tavros.

"Don't be tho mean to the guy, heth new, obviouthly."

Okay, twin-guy had an awful lisp…

"Yeah?" KK hissed "How'd you know, Sollux?"

Sollux finally turned to Tavros and smiled.

"Aradia told me to go look for him. the ith going to take care of him."

"oh, if that's so" KK said, patting Tavro's shoulder "have fun."

Without wasting another second, KK stalked off, sprinting after a girl that looked as if she was about to walk into a locker, but stopped just in time, giggling to herself.

"Tho" Sollux said, gesturing along the now less crowded hallway.

"Like you probably heard, I am Thollux, thith guy jutht now wath Karkat. He can be really nithe, but he ith a douthe when it cometh to wordth. He didn't mean it that way."

It was a bit hard to really understand the words, but Tavros gave his best and smiled up at Sollux, who patiently walked beside him until they reached a beautiful girl with long black hair, kept out of her face with two little hair clips, shaped like frogs.  
Sollux stalked over and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, smiling at her. Even if his eyes were completely invisible, Tavros could picture the affection in his eyes, and it somehow made him feel a lot worse…

He had never been in love, or loved for that matter.  
Though there had been one time, a girl… but he didn't want to think about her now.

"Thanks Sollux" The girl, probably Aradia, said.

"Now, I'll show you around."

After having a little tour of the school with Aradia and Sollux, who both turned out to be really nice and friendly, Tavros decided that maybe this time, school wouldn't suck so bad. He had been told, that there were others like him, not paraplegics, but there was the blind girl and also other people who had some physical limitations.  
So no one would really bully him, of course, there were groups that kept to themselves and sometimes there were clashes, but most of the time, the school was pretty peaceful.  
The groups were the usual, the jocks, the artists, the hipsters, the pretty girls, the nerds and the misfits.

Trough the whole day, Tavros had tried to place people that passed him by into those groups.  
Karkat would probably be with either the nerds or the misfits, he guessed, while Sollux was definitely a nerd and Aradia was… well she was pretty and all, but not an airhead. She was rather intelligent and calm…  
The bulky guy that had almost ran him over, was probably a jock.

* * *

Now, Tavros sat in the cafeteria, between Karkat and Sollux, in the middle of a loud and cheerful group.

While taking a bite out of his peanut butter and jelly sandwich, he looked around and tried to remember all of their names.

First, the two guys that sat on both his sides, Karkat and Sollux, easy enough.  
Then there was Aradia that sat on Sollux' left side, being glared at from across the table by a girl… wait… Feferi! Who was in turn being longingly looked at by a hipster, which had loudly claimed to only sit here because he pitied Fef to sit with the losers, called Eridan.  
To Karkat's left, the blind but definitely not helpless girl sat, Terezi.

She was a bit strange, but since she had treated Tav nicely, he had decided that he liked her.  
Just before, a girl had stopped by, wearing a funny blue hat with cat ears, and introduced herself to Tav as Nepeta.

To be honest, it was pretty hard to get used to the different personalities, but he felt welcome and enjoyed being with the group, something he had never really experienced before.  
Even if he only seldom spoke and rather listened to the others, Tavros felt really happy and comfortable.

* * *

During class, Tavros smiled to himself.

The lesson was pretty easy, since he had studied almost the whole summer, not being able to play outside and all…

Allowing himself to space out a bit, though allowing may be the wrong word… since he always kind of lost himself in his fantasies and daydreams, Tav stared out of the window, watching the autumn leaves whirl around and gently float back on the ground.

He imagined running through these leaves, laughing and taking off to fly, just like them, wings spreading wide and his heart leaping with the freedom that fulfilled his soul. He'd join the birds in the sky and look down on the people, seeing their surprise and feel free.

Simply free and happy.

No one could judge him, no one could try to bring him down, because well, he was way up high, too high for them to reach him.

Just when he almost completely lost himself in the daydream, a man ran into his field of vision, kicking up the leaves.  
The guy laughed out loud, obviously happy and let himself fall into a pile of dried leaves.

Something in the way the guy had laughed made him wonder…  
He looked older than Tav, so wasn't he embarrassed to act like this? Playing in the leaves, laughing like a child?

While watching the guy playing in the leaves, chasing pigeons and scaring little kids by making weird faces at them, Tav suddenly realized that he was jealous…

He wanted to turn away, when the guy started waving, smiling widely.  
Surprised, Tavros looked around, before pointing at himself, a questioning look on his face.  
The guy nodded and waved again.  
Hesitantly, Tavros waved back, feeling the corners of his lips slowly forming a smile.

The guy really was strange.

Curly, messy, black hair hung into his face and ended just over his shoulders.  
In the light, it shimmered a bit purple, making his face even paler and his bright purple eyes even brighter.  
He was dressed in a black hoodie and worn out jeans, which hung low on his skinny hips.  
On his face, Tavros saw something that looked like a scar, or even three, long scars that ran from his left eyebrow over his nose.

He gestured to his own smile, and held up his thumbs.  
Tavros smiled a bit more and saw him nod approvingly.

For a while, Tav simply watched him goofing around, until suddenly, the guy stopped and seemingly focused on someone that approached him from the side.  
He laughed again and winked at Tav before charging off extremely fast.  
Only a second after that, Tav saw Karkat running after the guy, yelling and shouting, but hopelessly slower with his short legs.  
Tav chuckled and almost laughed out loud when he saw the two chasing each other around the area.

It was so amusing, that he hadn't even noticed the ringing of the bell, until he felt a hand on his shoulders and Aradia smiled down at him.

"So, how was your first day?" she asked, and helped him pack his stuff.

They would have to wait a bit, so that the crowd could disperse a bit before Tavros could get to his locker, and Tavros used that time to tell Aradia about his day.  
The people here were really nice and the teachers all seemed to simply accept the fact that he was paraplegic instead of fussing over him the whole time, something he really appreciated.  
Once they finally got into the hallway, Sollux joined them and together they made their way to Tavros' locker, where the couple and Tav said their goodbys.

Humming happily, Tavros put all of his books inside and for once in his entire school life, he looked forward to the next day.  
Sollux and Aradia had already introduced him to some of their friends, so being alone was probably out of the question now, and that sole thought was enough to make him feel giddy and excited about the rest of his school life here.

But that feeling instantly vanished and was replaced with the cold feeling of horror creeping up Tavros' back when he closed the locker and saw a flicker of black and blue from the corner of his eye.

He whirled around on his chair, seeing a girl from afar, talking on the phone and grinning maliciously.  
She hadn't spotted him, so he took the chance to study her, making sure whether she really was the one he thought she was.

But without a doubt, she was the one.

Long black hair, pale skin and blue eyes that made even the strongest guys cower in fear.  
Insanity was reflected in them, as the blue orbs darted around.

Unconsciously, Tav began to tremble and shake.

He mustered all of his strength and hurried out of school.  
It had been five years ever since he had seen her, five years since the last time he had felt his legs.  
And today, he had seen her, and suddenly his legs began to hurt like they had never before.  
It was as if they reacted to her, and it brought tears to his eyes.

After having gotten some distance between him and school, Tavros stopped and navigated his wheel chair away from the street and onto an empty playground.

When he made sure no one was around, he let the tears flow and the sobs shake his body, dropping his head onto his lap and clutching the useless, numb limbs desperately, trying to stop the pain and the terror.

He was suddenly interrupted by a cold wet snout sniffing at his hand and a hot tongue began to lick it.  
Tav jumped a little and stared into the unusually green eyes of a huge, white dog.  
From the green collar that hung around his neck, dangled a matching leash, but no owner was in sight.

"Bec!" he heard a girl shouting, and soon he saw a cute girl with long black hair, green eyes and glasses run towards them.

Quickly, she snatched the leash of the floor and dragged the dog called Bec away from Tavros.

"Naughty dog, you shouldn't pester other…"

She eyed him carefully, noticing his tears.

"Hey, are you okay?"

Flushing, Tavros wiped away the tears quickly, and tried to keep his voice from shaking to much, but failed miserably.

"Y-yeah… uuh… sorry, I guess"

The girl still looked at him, concern in her eyes.

"What are you apologizing for" she said, her voice soft and calm.

"Uhh, f-for the d-dog. I, uuh…"

Laughing softly, the girl patted the dog's head before holding out a hand.

"You didn't do anything wrong, I am Jade Harley, what's your name?"

Hesitating a bit, Tavros took her hand eventually.

"T-Tavros Nitram" he replied, smiling as well.

"Nice to meet you Tavros, you are new here, right?"

Tavros nodded and started fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.  
Smiling, Jade pulled a little pen and a scrap of paper out of a little backpack that hung from her shoulders and started scribbling something onto it.

"So about before, I don't mean to pry, but if you need help, I am offering."

She handed the scrap of paper to Tavros and he saw that it was a phone number.

"Why…"

"Because I think you need it. Don't ask why, just a feeling. And I am bored most of my time, so call or message me whenever you need to."

Before Tavros could even respond or react, Jade was already dragged off by Bec, laughing loudly.

"Wow" Tavros said to himself.

That was weird…

Gently he traced the digits with his finger, feeling a strange warm feeling in his stomach.

Weird, but nice.

* * *

**Sooo, this was the first one :) did you like it? Is there something you want me to do better? please tell me :)**


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, Tavros made his way into the kitchen, head throbbing and sick.

Through the whole night, he had been tortured by nightmares of the girl. Her laughter, her mockery, her hands pushing him…

He shook his head violently, trying to chase the thoughts away, earning a confused look from his father, who handed him a plate filled with bacon and fried eggs.

"What's wrong Tavros?"

Just before Tavros could even say something, his mother rushed into the kitchen, shoving Tavros out of the way and grabbing an apple hastily.

"God, honey, would you mind not always linger around and blocking the way? The wheel chair is just so annoying" she huffed, pecking her husband on the cheek before picking up her keys and leaving again.

Tavros frowned and hung his head low.  
It had been like this ever since five years ago… or even longer.  
His mother had always kind of been annoyed by his incapability to be independent and being a bit softer than other boys his age.  
She openly mocked him for liking animes and games, and complained in public about his condition.  
But what Tavros hated most about it, was that she not only hurt him, but his father as well.  
He felt a warm hand on his shoulder and looked up to see his father smiling at him.

"Don't let it get to you, champ" he said, gently squeezing the shoulder.

"I will talk to her. She needs to get used to this house as well you know?"

His father got up again and glared after her, hand still on Tav's shoulder.

"Not that it's any excuse of such a behaviour…"

Gently, Tav reached for his father's hand and took it, keeping it locked in his.

"It's okay dad. I mean, I have you, right?"

His father smiled sadly and pulled Tav into a hug, rubbing his back gently.  
Tavros was grateful, each day, for his father.  
He had helped him through the horrible time after losing his legs and often had to comfort him when he had woken up, crying and horrified because of nightmares.  
For a moment, Tavros almost blurted out about the girl and his dreams, but he didn't want to make the fresh start here harder for his father.

He'd get through it. Alone.

* * *

Luckily, when Tavros arrived, the hallway was still empty, safe for some sleepy adolescents, scurrying through the corridor.

Tavros rolled to his locker and started taking out the books he'd need today, when the locker was slammed shut, only barely missing Tavros' head.  
Tav yelped in surprise and turned his head to look at the perpetrator.

"Well, if it isn't little Toraedork…"

The girl from the day before towered over him, slowly turning the wheel chair with her foot, grinning manically.  
Oh god, Tavros prayed on the inside, please make her go away, let her be struck by lightning or whatever, just make her disappear!

"Not even a tiny little hello?"

Trying not to tremble, Tavros clenched his eyes shut.

"No?"

Please god, send me a damn angel he wished as he felt the girl leaning down further, making Tavros gasp slightly.  
Her chuckle sounded like nails on a black board.

"Bro!" a voice interrupted the moment and ripped Tavros out of his stupor, making the girl straighten up.

From behind the girl, a boy jogged over to them, waving and smiling at Tavros, three scars slightly distorting the otherwise gorgeous face.

The guy from yesterday.

Was he here to help him? that would be the day Tavros would honestly pray to god again…

"I was all up and looking for you motherfucker!"

Okay, Tavros decided, two bullies… great, thank you god.

"P-please" he whimpered, when the tall guy reached the two and positioned himself next to Tavros, glaring at the girl through half lidded eyes.

When the guy placed a hand on Tavros' shoulder protectively, the delicate boy flinched, but the gentle squeeze had something calming.

Maybe not a bully after all…

"Good mother fucking morning Vriska." The guy said, his voice cheerful, but somehow dark and threatening.

"Are you pestering my little bro?"

Tavros almost let his jaw drop, when he saw Vriska grinning uncomfortably, trying to step away a bit.

"Makara, nice to see your ugly as fuck face today."

"Nice to see yours too, though I have to say, you look exceptionally pretty today."

Vriska blinked in confusion and irritated, she retreated, glaring at Tavros one last time.  
Tavros and his saviour stood there, watching her leave.

"So" the guy said, smiling down at Tavros "What was that about little motherfucker?"

Tavros wanted to answer right away, he really did, but somehow, he just got lost in those purple eyes….

"lil' one?"

"Uhh… what?" he finally stuttered.

"Never mind. I'm Gamzee" he said chuckling and reached for Tavros' hand.

"T-Tavros" he replied, shaking the outstretched hand and blushing slightly.

"Tavros Nitram"

Gamzee smiled and fished a cell phone out off his worn jeans. It was old and held together by bit of duct tape on the side.

"Already this late…" he sighed.

"Well, Tavbro, I'll see you up and around, 'kay?"

Blushing a bit more, Tavros nodded and watched Gamzee taking off with a final wave.  
That had been really unexpected…

* * *

Chuckling, Gamzee made his way through the hallway, searching for a pair of gray eyes…

He ignored the strange looks and the whispers, or rather, he didn't even notice them.  
His head was in the clouds, only coming down when he almost ran into a short guy with black tousled hair.

Bingo.

Sighing loudly, he let his arms fall over the guy's shoulders and rested his head on the other's.  
When the guy wanted to turn in surprise, Gamzee put more weight on his shoulders and kept him in place.

"Gamzee!"

"Yeah Bro?"

Karkat slapped Gamzee's head, but allowed him to stay like this, turning to his locker, earning some strange looks.

"Could you PLEASE get off my head?" Karkat hissed while he pulled out his textbooks.

"Nah, bro, I think that's impossible…" Gamzee reached up and started playing with the black hair

"It's like, so motherfucking fluffy, you know?"

Annoyed, Karkat groaned and ducked away, making Gamzee stumble in the process.

Gamzee laughed and leaned against the lockers, not realizing that a boy was just about to open his, and blocking it.

"I could take a motherfucking nap on your nest, bro!"

"Uhm… sorry?" the ignored boy asked a bit timid.

"It's like this black fluffy cloud – " Gamzee continued, while Karkat noticed the boy.

He had black hair and a pair of dorky glasses. His buckteeth and his skinny figure didn't help making him look any less geeky.  
But he had a pair of adorable blue eyes.

"C – can I get to my…"

" – and you have the motherfucking perfect size too" the tall boy rambled on, still neglecting the slightly annoyed blue-eyes.

"…locker?"

"Geez, Gam!" Karkat pulled him out of the way and gestured to the locker, earning a grateful smile from the other boy.

"Thanks… I'm John…"

Karkat slammed his locker shut and turned around instantly.

"Yeah, and I am not interested" he muttered, dragging Gamzee along as he left for his class.

While being dragged away, Gamzee noticed a slight blush on Karkat's unusually pale face, which caused him to chuckle and put an arm around his best friend's shoulder.

"A little crush, bro?"

Immediately, Karkat shoved Gamzee away, a terrified look on his face.

"What are you talking about?" he quickly yelled in defence.

But the increasing blush spoke all the truth Gamzee needed.

"Yeah, whatever. but bro?"

Calming down slowly, Karkat looked at him questioning.

"Could you help me with my own crush?"

If it had been possible, Karkat's jaw would have hit the floor along with the books he had dropped upon hearing that.

"A… a crush? You?"

A bit hurt, but still smiling, Gamzee nodded and began picking up the books.

"I have been in relationships before, you know that."

When Karkat took back the books, he decided to put them in his backpack this time.

"Yeah, but… it never ended well. And I never liked the girls you liked. They were… weird."

Gamzee chuckled.

"Yeah, they were motherfucking weird, but this one's a different case. I swear."

Sighing, Karkat lead them to a calmer corner of the now filled hallway and gave Gamzee a sceptical look.

"Look, Gamz. You are my best friend. You are like a brother for me, but you know how this will go down.  
You fall in love, she may even love you back, then you go out for about a month, before you have a huge fight and she crushes your sanity again.  
You won't let her close enough and when she leaves you you'll hang on the needle again, until I drag you out of the hole –"

Gamzee frowned when he saw his friend smiling sadly like this.

"It's not like I'd ever stop doing that, but I think I don't really have the strength at the moment. You know my Dad is sick…"

"Bro, this time is really different. He's not a psycho or anything, I don't even – "

"Wait what?" Karkat cut him off.

"HIM? you have a crush on a GUY?"

Irritation spread across Gamzee's face and he gave Karkat a puzzled look.

"Yeah, so what?"

"oh… nothing, I guess" Karkat said, feeling a little awkward.

Gamzee had told him more than once that gender didn't really matter to him,  
but he had always thought that it was the weed or some other drug talking, and not him.

"I don't really know why I like him, bro. it's just when I see him… I motherfucking want to be holding him."

The desperation inside of his voice startled Karkat.  
It was unusual for Gamzee to show so much of his own emotion, even towards Karkat.  
Despite always helping the others and being the nicest and most compassionate person he knew, Gamzee was completely closed off when it came to himself.  
Only Karkat knew the real Gamzee, at least a part of him.  
He had seen him broken down and completely out of his mind, more than he'd have liked.  
But he always endured it for the sake of seeing him laughing and goofing around again.

"So you really like him. who is it? Do I know him?"

Gamze smiled again, his eyes gazing off into the distance.

"Tavros."

Holy crap… no.

Karkat barely managed to fight the urge to smack his head against the next wall.

His friend had a crush on a stuttering guy in a wheel-chair. Whoope doo…

* * *

Throughout the whole day, Tavros occasionally spotted Vriska and it always scared the shit out of him, but she didn't approach him anymore, especially not while he sat together with Terezi during lunch break.  
After he kept turning his head to see if she was still at a safe distance, Terezi finally had enough, and straight out asked him what had happened between them.

"Who, us?" Tavros asked, genuinely surprised.

"You and that scorpion Vriska. I know you are staring at her. I can smell her…"

"Oh"

Sighing, Tavros put down his fork, next to his now empty plate.

"We, uh, met in kindergarten. She just claimed to be my friend, I guess, but in truth, she was more of a, uh, bully."

For a while, Terezi studied him, without using her eyes.  
It was as if she stared deep into Tav's soul and dug out the truth, but eventually, she simply took another bite of her slice of pizza and ended the conversation like that.

Just when Tavros thought he could go back to enjoying the silence, Karkat slumped down next to Terezi and a chair next to Tav was pulled out.  
Tav looked up to meet the smile and the beautiful pair of eyes of Gamzee, sitting down next to him.  
Suddenly, his face felt warm, and Tav was grateful for having a darker complexion.

"So, Tavros" Karkat started, sounding a little uncomfortable.

"Want to hang out with Gam and me this weekend? We are going to play games at my house."

For a moment, Tav could have sworn to see Gamzee frown, but it was replaced by a smile too quick to be sure.  
Tavros loved video games, and it would be great to hang out with his new found friends, but he had promised his father to help him out around the house. They had yet to unpack everything…

"I… I will need to, uh, ask my father."

Next to him, Gamzee chuckled and suddenly he felt his warm hand patting his shoulder.

"Chill, bro, you can just motherfucking join us if you want to."

Tavros smiled back at him, not knowing why exactly he was smiling and nodded.

"I think I will."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: okay this one is really short :S sorry about that, but i had to do it like this. it needs to end then and there :) (not the story, the chapter)**

* * *

"No."

"But mum!" Tavros whined, not sure why he had to justify the reason behind simply hanging out with friends when his father had allowed it already.

"Because I don't feel like unpacking this stuff all alone!"

"You won't! Dad is helping you. Wouldn't there be, uh, too many people anyway?"

"Still! I don't even know who your friends are!" she yelled back, towering over Tavros.

It was unfair to be standing over a guy in a wheel chair, Tav thought, but he was too intimidated to say it out loud.

"What's going on here?"

They both turned their head to see the father standing in the doorway, grocery bags in both hands.

"Tavros wants to – "

"- hang out with his friends, I know" he stated, giving Tav's mother an annoyed look.

"I already allowed it, so let him go."

Tavros smiled, knowing that the argument had just been won in his favour.  
His mother always fought with him over each and every little thing, but as soon as his father stepped in, neither had a chance to change the outcome.  
His word was final, and luckily, his father mostly favoured his side.  
It was rare, that his parents agreed and his father would decide against Tavros.  
But whenever that had happened, it had been for a good reason.  
His mother simply always said the opposite, of what Tavros wanted, to piss him off.

Without another word, Tavro's left the kitchen, throwing his father a grateful look before leaving the house.  
He fished out his phone and looked up Karkat's address.

This was going to be so great!

* * *

When Tavros rang the bell at Karkat's house, he was shaking a bit. He was embarrassed by how nervous he was and he wished that he could be a bit cooler, more collected.

They were just going to hang out, chat, play some games, nothing serious…  
But he felt as if he was about to be judged and prosecuted in front of the grand jury.

Still deep in thoughts, picturing what would happen with him, Tavros didn't notice Karkat standing in front of him, waving a hand in front of his nose.

"Hey, Tavros, you there?"

Instantly, Tavros snapped out of it and stared into Karkat's gray eyes, blushing slightly.

"Y-yeah, I, uh, spaced out I guess…"

Karkat stepped aside and let him inside a nice and cozy house.

Tavros hadn't actually expected it to be like this, not so clean and tidy.

"We moved the Playstation to the living room, my room's upstairs" Karkat said, shrugging almost as if he wanted to apologize.

"Oh, uh, thanks."

Despite still stuttering a bit, Tavros really appreciated the thought Karkat had given him, and it calmed him down a bit.

When they entered the living room, the first thing that caught Tavro's eyes, was Gamzee, lying on the floor with his legs on the couch, playing an old Playstation2 game upside down.

He was completely absorbed by the game, his mouth opened a bit, and his eyes focused.

"U-uh, hi" Tavros greeted, hoping not to disturb him.

A bit confused, Gamzee turned his head to look at him, pausing the game in the process. He smiled immediately when he saw who the visitor was.

"Hey, Tavbro!"

Gamzee opened his arms and gestured him to come over.

"It's a motherfucking miracle you made it, bro!"

Smiling, Tavros rolled over to Gamzee and watched him continue the game, while Karkat left the room, muttering something about snacks.

For a while the two of them just sat there in comfortable silence, only listening to the sounds of the game.  
It was strange, Tavros felt completely comfortable like this.  
Of course, he was a bit nervous, but somehow he suspected that it would always be a bit strange to be around Gamzee.  
Gamzee was a strange person, but in a good way.  
Only one thing scared Tavros a bit.

He couldn't quite tell why, but whenever he looked into Gamzee's eyes, he saw something behind the heavy fog that kept them unfocused.  
A sharp mind that was being clouded for a reason…

The screen turned black and Gamzee groaned annoyed before changing his position and sitting on the couch, laughing softly.

"damn, motherfucker… I died."

Tavros frowned.

"I'm sorry."

Smiling softly, Gamzee shook his head and tossed him the controller.

"Why bro? Do you wanna try?"

A confident grin spread across Tavros' face.

"Yeah, I love games" he pressed the square button, starting it over again.

"What game is this? I've never played it before."

"Evil twin. It's motherfucking old, but Karkat and I always play it. He sucks though."

Tavros chuckled at the thought of Karkat throwing a fit about dying, and without any difficulties he navigated the little character through the level.

"Damn, bro, you motherfucking rule at this" Gamzee said after a while and scooted closer, patting Tavros' shoulder playfully.

Karkat had been forgotten, as the two of them enjoyed the game, and while doing so, kept getting more comfortable by the minute.  
Soon, they were joking and laughing like old friends.

* * *

Bored, Karkat sat in the kitchen, knowing very well that he wasn't really welcome in the living room now. He played a bit Angry Birds on his phone before dropping it and simply rested his head on the table.

This had been a stupid idea…

Gamzee had had the brilliant idea of inviting Tavros over for games, to Gamzee's house, but Karkat knew that would have only resulted in a very intimidated Tavros and an overly horny and eager Gamzee, which would never lead to the actual result his best friend had in mind…

So, Karkat, being the friend he is, decided to invite them to his house, while not disturbing them.

But now he was really bored…

He got up and peered into the living room, where Tavros was beating an endboss from Dark Souls, while Gamzee cheered him on.

"Hey guys?"

None of them turned to him, but Tavros at least had the decency to answer.

"Yes, I , uh, can't pause right now, wait a minute…"

"no it's okay, I just wanted to say, that I'll go buy us some snacks, Ma forgot to buy them…"

Gamzee and Tavros nodded at the same time and Karkat quickly got out of the house.

Time to hit the arcade or something…

* * *

After Tavros had died in the game, somehow none of them wanted to continue, and the atmosphere turned awkward pretty fast.  
To break the tension a bit, Gamzee offered to watch a movie, not really sure what kind of movie a guy like Tavros would like.

"uh, what movies does Karkat have?"

Gamzee shrugged and glanced through the stacks of DVD's that lay next to the big TV.

Romcoms…

Hundreds of those stupid, sappy, faggy Romcoms, Gamzee thought. Well maybe Tavros liked that…

"Do you like – "

"Oh!" Tavros interrupted him, rolling a bit closer.

"He has Peter Pan! I mean, I, uh, kind of like that…" his voice faded and he felt his face heat up. Damn, that was really embarrassing…

And when he saw Gamzee's confused stare, he swore he would have jumped off a cliff if there had been one nearby.

"I mean, if you don't…"

"Tavbro" Gamzee interrupted him, his stare softening and smiling, "that's motherfucking adorable."

Tavros' blush increased even more and he had to make sure that he had been hearing right… adorable?

While Tavros was still a bit dumbstruck, Gamzee picked up the DVD and put it into the player, pushing Tavros back to the couch and slumping down on it himself.

As soon as the movie started, Tavros was completely absorbed by it.  
Sometimes he even moved his lips to the words they were saying in the movie, and Gamzee repeated the same words in his head over and over again.

Motherfucking adorable…

He really was.  
The way Tav looked at the screen intently, a soft smile on his lips whenever the man in the green clothes took off to fly, and the way his eyes glistened with emotion was simply adorable and it stole Gamzee's breath.  
It was more interesting to see each and every little movement Tavros made, then watching the movie itself…

But when Tinkerbell was dying, Gamzee noticed something else.

Tavros was clutching his legs, as if they were broken wings, and in his eyes the hope of Peter Pan was mirrored.

Believe in it and maybe you can fly…

It broke Gamzee's heart and made his head throb.

He groaned softly and pressed a hand against his head, trying to ease the pain.  
It really hurt! Or was he coming down? Shit! No! not now…

"Gamzee? Are you, uh, are you okay?"

He wanted to answer, but the headache forced his eyes shut and he bit down on his teeth, trying to keep a whimper in.  
Then he felt a cool hand on his forehead.  
It was as if the touch helped him ease the pain…  
Gamzee leaned closer, hitting Tavros' shoulder.  
At first, the younger boy tensed, but eventually he put one arm around Gamzee's shoulders and gently stroked his hair with the other.

"Gamzee, what's wrong?"

The pain slowly faded and Gamzee dared to open his eyes.  
That had been a mistake…

If he hadn't opened his eyes at that moment, he wouldn't have looked up into those wonderful hazel eyes, filled with concern over him, wouldn't have stopped breathing for a moment before doing something that could break everything he had been thinking about for the past days.

He wouldn't have leaned up and caught Tavros by surprise, wouldn't have kissed these wonderfully soft lips.

He wouldn't have been shoved away.

He wouldn't have seen the horror in these hazel eyes…


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: soooo :) welcome back**

**Sorry for taking so long, have too much to do and too little time to actually finish anything XD  
Maybe you'll be thinking that the chapters are a little bit short and quick, but i assure you, this is all a Prologue.**

Please review if you can find the time :) i want to know if this story is worth keeping online, or if i should just write it for myself :)  


* * *

"w-w-what? Why?" Tavros shrieked, almost tumbling out of his wheelchair.

Gamzee steadied him and tried to calm him, but his hands were shoved away.

"Bro... Tavros, I'm sorry... I" he stopped when he notice the tears gathering in the brown eyes.

"No, please i didn't mean to..."

But Tavros shook his head and made to turn around, close to letting the tears fall.  
Quickly, Gamzee shot up and grabbed his shoulder and tried to keep him there, but Tavros was surprisingly strong and freed himself easily.  
He didn't even turn to face him when he began to talk, his voice shaking and threatening to break.

"Just... Leave me alone."

"Tavros... I'm sorry..."

"Screw you!" Tavros shouted, clutching the armrest.

" you only make it worse" he sobbed before wheeling out.

Out of the room.  
Out of the house.  
Out of Gamzee's reach.  
Fuck.

After standing there, dumbfounded, for a moment, Gamzee fell back into the couch, cursing himself.  
Why did he have to do that?  
Of course Tavros would avoid him now...  
But on the other side, his reaction had been strange.  
Normally one would be disgusted or a bit upset, but not sobbing and crying like that.

And how does a sorry make it worse?

Gamzee wished to take back the kiss, but then again he didn't. To him, the kiss had felt right, and even if it had been only a very short kiss, it had been enough to make him crave more.  
He sighed and realized the comeback of his migraine... Shit.

Too concentrated on massaging his temples and fighting the urge to throw up, he didn't notice Karkat standing in front of him until he began to speak.

"Dude…"

His voice was unusually soft, showing concern Karkat only seldom showed other people.

"What happened? I saw Tav – "

Gamzee chuckled, not really sure why, maybe because he had just screwed up all the chances he had had…

"I screwed up, bro. I up and fucked it all up…"

Karkat cautiously sat down next to his best friend and rubbed his shoulder, hoping to calm him down.  
When Gamzee suddenly scooted away, Karkat froze.  
Usually, Gamzee would cry out his heartache or whine about it for about a day and then move on, but he had never distanced himself, or looked this sick before.

"Gam – "

"He hates me" Gamzee cut him off.

"I did something stupid, and now he hates me. This…" he looked at Karkat, confused and a bit upset

"It's so weird, bro. I – I barely know that guy, but I want him! I don't know why, I just want to be close to him… why doesn't he?"

Karkat shrugged, grabbing Gamzee's sleeve. Something was wrong about Gamz.  
He was so… sober, and that was not exactly something good.  
He could get either self-destructive or end up hurting someone else… and either way, Gamzee would get hurt, whether it was an injury or regret.

Suddenly, Gamzee clenched his eyes shut and groaned, pressing his palms against his eyes.

"Gamz, are you okay?" Karkat asked quickly.

Gamzee started mumbling things, but Karkat couldn't understand them...  
It worried him, that Gamzee was starting to tremble and beads of sweat started gathering on his forehead.

"Gamzee…"

His best friend kept mumbling, but now Karkat was able to catch the words he kept repeating.

"I will have him…"

Holy crap, no.

"Gamzee" Karkat said, grabbing Gamzee's shoulders and shaking him.

"Calm down! Do you have your pills here? Did you take them?"

Suddenly, Gamzee stopped.  
He didn't talk, he didn't move, he didn't even breathe.  
Then he snickered and stared into Karkat's eyes, scaring the shit out of the younger boy.

"What do you think motherfucker?" he said, voice deadly and causing chills to run down Karkat's spine.

It was always shitty when Gamzee came down from either the drugs or the pills he had to take…  
He became completely unpredictable, and hard to calm down.

"Gamzee, that is not you. Calm. Down."

Gamzee threw his head back and laughed out loud, allowing Karkat to slide his hand into Gamzee's bag unnoticed.

"Not me? This is me motherfucker, and there's nothing that you can motherfucking do about it!  
Just like that guy… there's not much he can do at all! He's mine, and I will take him any motherfucking way I want!"

"Stop that, Gamz, calm down."

But Gamzee ignored him completely.

"I mean, what can he do? He can't possibly run from me, can he?  
If he dares to say no, I'll just roll him down a hill, or tie him – FUCK!" Gamzee cried out in pain and stared at the needle that was stuck in his shoulder.

For a moment the friend's eyes met, purple, full of anger, and grey, full of concern, before Gamzee's eyes rolled up and he collapsed against Karkat.  
Sighing, Karkat gently rubbed his friends back, feeling him falling asleep.  
He lied back against the couch and pulled the sleeping Gamzee along.  
It was always so tiring to deal with the aftermath of a sober Gamzee, but now it would be peaceful.  
He had gotten his emergency medication and it would leave him harmless for another day.  
As Karkat's eyes drifted shut, he did wish to be back in that convenience store though.  
Back there, with the guy, the strange guy that made his heart flutter…

The one that even haunted his dreams now…

* * *

Karkat was instantly awake, when Gamzee moved against his chest, trying to leave.

"Where do you think you are going?" he asked, glancing at the clock on the TV.

"It's half past eleven. Stay here."

Gamzee shook his head and smiled weakly.

"Nah, bro, I don't feel too well."

"Yeah, figures. You went nuts again. And the higher dose does make your head fuzzy, doesn't it?"

Nodding a bit slower than usual, Gamzee sat up and leaned against the back of the couch.

"I feel so… strange, bro."

Karkat sat up as well, and scooted close to his best friend, not surprised to have his head resting on his shoulder in no time.

"I just… don't know anymore" Gamzee continued, his eyes drifting shut.

"What do you mean?" Karkat asked, gently pulling his friend closer.

"This guy. I just… from the moment I first saw him, I felt attracted to him. Like… I knew that he was peace.  
I mean the real thing. Just looking at him calmed me down. And when he held me and eased the pain. I knew it."

"You knew what?"

"That he's the one to help me. The one to, I don't know, save me…"

Karkat gulped, not sure why that simple sentence hurt him so much.  
Gamzee was his best friend, and they had been through some fucked up shit.  
From the death of Gamzee's mother, whom he had adored, to the abusive live with his uncle and several foster homes.  
He had always been the one to help him, catch him and build him up again…  
And now there was someone else, apparently the only one, skilled enough to save Gamzee.

Yeah, maybe that's why.  
It hurt because with one simple sentence, it felt as if their whole friendship had been for nothing…

With a constricted throat, Karkat managed to speak after a while.

"You like him that much?"

Gamzee shrugged and huddled closer against Karkat.

"It doesn't matter. I screwed up already…"

Karkat didn't even want to go into the topic any further, so they simply sat together, staring at the black screen of the TV and each following their thoughts, but each connected in their desperation to find something to be happy with.

"Wow, Tavros, home al – "

His father stopped immediately when he saw the tears on Tavros' face that he tried to hide so much.

"What happened?" he asked, ripping the apron he wore over his head and throwing it into the kitchen as he headed towards his son.

"Nothing, dad, I – "

"Don't nothing me! Tell me what happened."

Tavros shook his head, trying to avoid his father's eyes.  
Of course he knew that he could tell his father everything, but this was just too humiliating to talk about. Even to his dad.  
His father opened his mouth, holding up an index finger threatening, but Tavros ignored him and wheeled around him, disappearing into his room quickly.

At first, he expected his father to knock on his door, ordering him to open, but he didn't.  
It was completely silent, and that shocked Tavros even more.  
The silence weighed heavily on Tavros and he was taken aback by the sobs that started shaking him roughly and the tears that fell onto his numb legs.

He should have known that Gamzee was just like all the others…  
Nice and friendly at first, and then when they were sure they had your trust, they'd shove you down the stairs and leave you lying there, screaming for help that wouldn't come.  
Karkat had probably been hiding somewhere, taking pics or something.

Tavros felt so stupid, so gullible and so ashamed to have let it happen.

Just when the trail of thoughts threatened to suffocate Tavros, his phone rang and vibrated.  
For a moment, he sat there, unsure whether he was imagining things or not.  
The absurd thought, that it could be Gamzee and he was really feeling bad about it, suddenly appeared on his inner mind, and he frantically fumbled with his bag, trying to fish out the phone.

_1 new Message : J. Harley_

Oh.  
Weird enough, Tavros was equally happy about a message from her.  
He opened it and smiled at the text.

_Hey, Tav. Are you busy? :O I am bored and you haven't replied :( are you still with your friends? Greet them from me ;D_

Tavros smiled weakly but began to write a reply, hoping to get his mind off it a bit.

_Hello Jade :)  
I, uh, am home already, wanna chat?_

He pressed the send button quickly, hoping for a quick answer.  
The answer came from his laptop, though.  
The IM-service he used started beeping and he noticed that the icon was flashing.  
Smiling wider, Tavros rolled to his desk and opened the window seeing Jade's name flashing on the unfortunately short friends-list.

_Why are you home already? Are you okay? :S_

Quickly, Tavros replied, but he tried not to let on that he was actually upset about it.  
He didn't tell her about the kiss, just that he had been screwed over by his "friends", and that he had left early because of that.

Supposedly, Jade got the hint and dropped the topic, concentrating on cheering up Tavros.  
And really, it helped to talk to Jade, Tavros thought.  
She was nice and understanding, and ever since they had started chatting a few days back, Tavros had taken a liking to her that he couldn't really explain.  
She made him laugh, listened when he was depressed, and she often soothed his worries about his future.  
He sometimes freaked out about it, because of his legs and his lack of confidence, but she always helped him calm down, being really considerate and careful about words when it came to him.  
Tavros appreciated the careful treatment and somehow enjoyed being pampered and taken care of by Jade.  
He could talk about all his worries with her…

But he wouldn't talk about Gamzee.  
That was a secluded piece of his mind that would lie buried in his head for eternity, if necessary.

So for the time being, they stuck to normal, rather boring and casual subjects, but it was nice to talk so carefree, and Tavros enjoyed every moment of it, completely forgetting about Gamzee for a moment.

* * *

On the other side of the door, Tav's father sat in the kitchen, his head buried in his hands and sighing deeply.  
Sometimes, it was just too hard being a parent…  
Especially with Tavros.  
Not that he had ever regretted having Tavros or had doubts about loving his son, but too much had already happened to that boy, and each and every time he came home with tears, a part of his father felt as if he had failed his son.  
He hadn't managed to look out for him the day he lost his legs, the day the bullies threw him down the stairs… or today.  
Even if he didn't know what had happened, making Tavros cry, after all the shit that had gone down, was pretty impressive.

It shouldn't be this way.

This time it should have been different. He had planned to move here for a reason, and it should have been a happy and quiet time for Tavros.  
And it had even appeared to be true, until today.

After taking a deep breath, the father got up and fished a phone out of his pocket.  
With trembling fingers, he dialled the number and waited for a response.

"Yes, hi, this is Nitram… yeah exactly. Haha, you know me by now, right?"

With a smile, he waited for five minutes until he finally heard the rough and hoarse voice that managed to calm his worries immediately.

"Yeah?"

"It's me" he answered, the smile growing even wider.

"Wow, Nitram, been a long time. How's life?"

"Great, how are you?"

There was a bitter chuckle on the other end.

"Same old, same old. How's Tav?"

Silence.

"That bad?"

Tav's father let himself drop onto a chair and closed his eyes.

"I don't know what to do anymore, Al, he came home crying. I just… I did all of this to him. It's my fault and I can't – "

" – stop it" he was cut off.

"I can't hear your whining right now. Just swallow that fucking pity and go to your boy, give him a hug and beat up the kid that hurt him, okay?"

For a moment, Tav's father stared ahead, completely dumbfounded, when he suddenly burst into laughter.

"I fucking hate you, you son of a bitch, you know that?" he said, still laughing.

"Yeah I know, I hate you too. Now go, okay? I have to go anyway."

"Al, wait. I'll come visit you soon, okay?"

"Yeah whatever" Al said, not really believing it. "tell Tav I said hello."

With that, the call ended and left Tavros' father staring at the phone, feeling a lot better than before.  
Al knew how to cheer someone up by chewing out his ass…

Once again, Tavros was terrified to go to school.  
He had played with the thought of faking illness and stay home, but Jade had managed to make him go nonetheless.  
Now that he was in the pretty much empty hallway, he was scared though.  
Afraid to run into Gamzee and what he'd do when he did…  
He could run away, or yell at him, maybe even muster enough courage to keep his tears at bay, but he hadn't expected what would really happen.

Deep in thoughts, he didn't notice Gamzee until he was gently stopped and two hands were bracing themselves on his armrests, holding his wheelchair in place.  
Surprised, Tavros looked up and met Gamzee's purple, tired eyes.

Only seconds ago, he had imagined himself yelling and crying, shouting insults at Gamzee, but now that he was really standing in front of him, staring into his eyes, Tavros felt the same feeling return, that had always been there whenever Gamzee had been close.  
It was a strange numbness, fogging his mind and blocking out all the rage and frustration that had built up over the Weekend.  
All he could do was stare into these beautiful, sad eyes and tense up.

"Tavros… god this is motherfucking hard."

Gamzee closed his eyes and took a deep breath, swaying a bit. He looked sick…

"can we just talk? Outside?" he asked, opening his eyes again and looking at Tavros' pleadingly.

Finally, Tavros managed to rip his eyes away from Gamzee and rolled back, causing Gamzee to stumble.

"There's nothing to talk about" he said, his voice shaking when he tried to pass Gamzee, but he was held back.

"Tavros, please. I am motherfucking begging you… just listen to me."

A part of him wanted to break free and run away, but the other part… the other part wanted to listen to Gamzee.

"Ten minutes."

Gamzee nodded and started pushing Tavros outside.  
At first, Tavros thought about fighting it and yelling at Gamzee to back off, but he didn't have the courage, or the strength to go through with it, so he allowed the tall boy to push him to a little spot of green that was hidden under trees just behind the school building.  
Tavros had never noticed the little garden here, and was surprised to see no one else here, because it was really beautiful.  
The sun shone through the leaves and gave it the right amount of shade to be comfortable but not dark.

Gamzee must have noticed the wondered look on Tavros' face when they stopped and he walked past Tavros to lean against one of the trees, because he smiled a bit embarrassed.

"This is kind of my spot. I spend most of my time here, and people avoid it because of that."

Tavros scrunched his nose and looked at him, a bit confused.

"Are people, uh, scared of you?"

Uncomfortable, Gamzee brushed through his black locks and smiled weakly.

"There have been… incidents, that gave me a bit of a name around here, but that's not what I want to discuss now, I wanted to – "

" – talk about what happened…" Tavros interrupted, crossing his arms in front of his chest, defensively.

"You feel sorry about it, blahblahblah… I know you – "  
Suddenly, Tavros felt the anger rise and along with it the frustration.

"You just want to play me!" he yelled, surprising Gamzee.

"You and your friends think it's funny to do this!  
You – you make me like you and then you do this! You probably made pictures of it and showed it around, trying to make me the laughing stock of the school!"

The words were now followed by tears that had begun to roll down his cheeks.

"Just because I am a paraplegic, doesn't mean that I can't love! That I won't find anyone that will like me for who I am!" he shouted, sobbing and clutching his armrest.

"You just want to apologize, so you can keep playing with me! Just for your information, I already have a person that likes me the way I am, and I like her!"

The words had left his mouth without another thought, but they directly pierced through Gamzee's chest.  
Instantly, the tall boy went silent.  
Gamzee couldn't exactly tell why, but he felt anger rise inside of him.  
This wasn't right.  
He should be the one…

"No."

Gamzee stared at him from half-lidded eyes, slowly walking towards Tavros.

"I won't motherfucking apologize. I don't fucking regret the kiss, maybe the whole timing and situation, but not the fucking kiss itself" he said, his voice steady and determined.

"Stop your stupid act" Tavros yelled.

He had wanted to shout some more, but was shut up when Gamzee darted forward and crushed his lips against Tavros' once again, this time, holding Tavros' face in place with his hand.  
Gamzee softened his grip and gently brushed his thumb over Tav's cheek, wiping away a stray tear while he slid the other hand down Tav's back, pulling him closer as he leaned down.  
Tavros wasn't sure why… maybe it was the gentle touch or the weird feeling that had been there the whole time or just the raw passion that Gamzee emitted, but he reached up and gripped the tall boy's shirt and pulled him down, sloppily and very clumsily, returning the kiss.  
It was new to Tavros, feeling the need to have another person as close as possible, especially after deciding to hate said person, but he felt his whole body tingle when Gamzee started nibbling at his lower lip and sliding his hand under Tav's shirt.  
Completely unaware of it, Tavros let out a soft moan, not much more than a sigh and tightened his grip on Gamzee's shirt.  
The younger boy didn't want to part when Gamzee tried to pull back and reached up to grab these black locks with one hand, gently tugging at them while pulling him closer at the same time.  
Quickly, they parted to get some air, before Gamzee leaned in again.  
The soft touch of lips against each other wasn't enough for him, though.

"Open your mouth" he whispered against Tav's lips, smiling a bit.

Opening his eyes, a bit confused, Tavros stared up at Gamzee.  
And suddenly, realization hit him. He was kissing Gamzee, whom he had hated for having kissed him, only two days ago…

"What am I doing?" he asked aloud.

Gamzee blinked in confusion, smiling a bit goofily.

"Making out, why are you asking?"

"B-because… I don't know if I want this. I mean, uh, you just kind of attacked me…"

The goofy smile slowly turned into a frown and Gamzee backed away a bit.  
He couldn't believe that a boy could be so torn and ignorant when it came to emotions like lust.  
Even if Tavros didn't love him, he was certainly attracted to Gamzee, so why deny it?

"You kissed me back, hell you even motherfucking grabbed me by the collar and pulled me closer. Don't tell me you didn't like it."

Uncertain and conflicted, Tavros averted his eyes, blushing.

"Maybe I like it… but not when it's just one of your stupid games…"

Gamzee let out an annoyed sigh.

"Why don't you motherfucking believe me, that I fucking like you? And I mean the real fucking thing."

When Tavros stared back into Gamzee's eyes, there was some kind of sadness in them.

"How can you tell that you like me? We never really talked much. And even if you say you do, it's pretty much impossible…"

"Actually, I don't fucking know why. I just do. But why would you keep saying that it's a fucking game?"

"Because…" Tav started, his voice shaking a bit, but he tried to keep the eye contact.

"Because there is not one thing to like about me… I mean I sit in a wheel chair, I stutter and I have no confidence whatsoever."

Gamzee smiled softly, taking one of Tavros' hands into his.

"So what? I don't care."

"You don't? How can you not?"

Sadness was now reflected in Gamzee's eyes and they became distant.

"Because believe me, no matter what you pull off or what you think is fucked up, I've seen worse…"

It wasn't the things Gamzee had said, but the way his eyes had changed that made Tavros believe them.  
He fought the urge to pull Gamzee down again and simply sat there, his hand in Gamzee's, listening to the soft rustling of the leaves in the wind.

"Gamzee… I don't know if I like you that way" he said eventually, even meaning the words.

He really didn't know.  
There was certainly a lot of chemistry going on between them, but he couldn't tell whether there were feelings involved as well.  
Gamzee shrugged and squeezed the other's hand.

"I don't know is better than: No, dude I am not fucking gay!"

He chuckled.

"Maybe we should take it motherfucking slow, right? Hang out a bit and… get to really know each other I guess."

Tavros nodded and smiled, happy but confused about the unexpected outcome.

"Just uh, hanging out would be nice."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N sooo :) i have received nice reviews :D thank you for that.**

**Someone has written that he/she was slightly homophobic, but still liked it. to you i say this: i really appreciate it that even though it's not your thing,**  
**you appreciate the work i put into this :) thanks a lot. **  
**It is okay if you don't like MxM, so if you want to keep reading, that could become a problem for you :S especially in this chapter :/**

**Thanks to all the others as well :D**

**This one is again, rather short but had to end there :D**

**I will upload another one-shot that is tied to this one, so if you could be so nice, just read this chapter before the one-shot, thank you :)**  
**Now have fun.**

***edit: the one-shot is called Magnets and as it turns out, should be read before the next chapter :)  
**

* * *

Over the next two months, Gamzee and Tavros spent a lot of time together.  
Mostly over at Tav's, when his father was working, or sometimes in public.

But while Tavros was steadily bonding with Jade by talking and discussing about important stuff in their lives, the time he spent with Gamzee somehow always ended the same way, in the same place.

His bed.

"Gamzee" Tavros gasped, feeling the other's hands sliding under his shirt and teeth sinking into the skin, where it connected his neck and shoulder.

Gamzee chuckled against his skin and agonizingly slow, dragged his tongue over the red and sore spot.  
When he felt Tav's fingers in his hair tugging impatiently, he moved higher and kissed his way up from Tav's neck, to his lips.  
Finally reaching his destination, he bit down on Tavros' lower lip, earning an eager moan and more hair-tugging, which he didn't mind at all.  
Their lips moved against each other, and soon they were sharing a passionate, almost frantic kiss.

Ever since they had started this whole, let's hang out thing, they couldn't help but end up making out. Whenever they were together and no one else was around, one of them, mostly Gamzee, would end up either kissing, biting or simply groping the other.  
He guessed that there was a thing like too much sexual tension…  
Tavros felt bad about it sometimes, because no one besides Karkat knew about it, he hadn't told his father about it, his father didn't even know that he was bisexual.  
Normally he could tell his father everything, but this?  
This was probably not a thing his father would like to hear… even if they had never gone further than some heated fondling.  
Tavros wouldn't go any further, because he wanted his first time to be with someone he really loved…

Completely lost in his thoughts, Tavros hadn't even noticed that they weren't kissing anymore and Gamzee stared down at him with worried eyes.

"Everything okay? You motherfucking spaced out there…"

Tavros nodded and smiled sheepishly.  
Gamzee, who was sitting on Tav's legs now grinned and leant down again, his hands travelling down to the other's hips.  
Moaning softly, when Gamzee's fingers travelled around his waist and teased him, Tavros brought up his arms and held onto Gamzee's neck, pulling him even closer.  
He happily obliged and began kissing a spot he knew was very sensitive behind Tav's ear, earning a surprised gasp and feeling Tavros pressing himself up against him as good as he could.

Gamzee knew that Tavros felt stupid because of his legs sometimes, afraid to disappoint Gamzee during their make-out sessions.  
But Gamzee didn't care at all, he was happy to be doing this in the first place.

Though, at one point he had been a bit nervous, because neither of them knew whether Tavros could even… well, get it up, Tavros being the innocent boy he was had never even thought about it, until Gamzee had brought up the topic during one of their sessions.  
After a while though, Gamzee had discovered that there were no problems concerning that, just a very flustered and embarrassed Tavros, stuttering and willing to disappear into thin air at any moment.

But just as much as Gamzee loved to end up on top of Tavros every time they spent time together, he sincerely wished that they could just try to get closer on an emotional level as well.  
For him, it was as clear as it could get, he loved Tavros in a strange and unexplainable way, yet Tavros was still very unsure about it all.  
He always enjoyed their sessions, though he always needed a bit of persuasion until he gave in, but whenever they were not on the bed making out, he was the normal innocent boy, who was definitely not showing any signs of having fallen in love.  
Karkat had told Gamzee to be patient, to give the poor boy some time, but how much longer would he have to wait until Tavros would finally return his feelings, if he ever would at all?

Deciding that it was no use to ponder over such saddening thoughts any longer, Gamzee began to concentrate on ridding Tavros of his black shirt, kissing, biting and licking every spot he knew would make Tavros moan and gasp.  
That was another problem, not allowing them to have a serious feelings jam…  
Whenever Tavros was simply in the same room as Gamzee, he turned him on. The naïve boy didn't even realize it, and that made Gamzee lose control even more.  
Maybe Gamzee just tried to compensate the lack of emotion in their relationship by taking all he could from the usually shy boy.

Suddenly, Gamzee felt Tavros' fingers on his face, pulling him up until they were face to face.  
Whenever they were like this, both flustered and staring into each others eyes, Gamzee was almost sure that there was more than simply lust he saw in Tav's hazel eyes. Even if it was just his imagination, he wished to see the same affection he felt, mirrored in these eyes.  
Tavros smiled and pulled him down, kissing him, gently but needing at the same time.  
He clutched Gamzee's shoulders and shivered when his lips were forced open and entered by Gamzee.  
Slowly, Tavros was reaching a point where he was almost too far gone in the heat of pleasure to think straight, and when Gamzee reached down to touch him through his jeans, he almost moaned out loud.  
But he didn't.  
He froze and ripped his eyes open when he heard the clicking of the door and his father calling from the kitchen.

Quickly, he shoved the confused Gamzee off himself and reached for the black shirt that was unfortunately just inches too far away to grab.  
Silent, Gamzee handed it to him and also got brown scarf that was hanging over the edge of the bed, just in case Tavros' father wasn't completely blind…

Thanking him, Tavros quickly put on the shirt and wrapped the scarf around his neck, checking if he had covered the two big hickeys he had that weren't covered by the shirt.

"Tavros? Are we having a guest?" his father called.

"Y-yeah" Tavros called back, trying to get into his wheelchair as fast as possible.

Feeling a bit weird, but still chilling, Gamzee helped him getting in, trying to smile and calm Tavros down a bit.  
After Tavros finally stopped fidgeting with his scarf, they both exited the room and walked into the kitchen.  
Gamzee did feel a bit nervous, meeting Tavros' father for the first time, it didn't matter if they were going out or not, so when the happy and curious look on the father's face changed into confusion and he dropped the bag of tomatoes he had been holding, Gamzee could have sworn that his heart had managed to sink into his pants.

"Dad…" Tavros said, stuttering a bit, surprised by the strange reaction of his father. had he noticed anything?

"This is Gamzee, uh, a friend from school."

Clearing his throat nervously, Gamzee stepped forward and held out his hand.

"Nice to mot – I mean, nice to meet you, Mister Nitram."

Slowly melting out of his frozen state, Tavros' father smiled weakly, still looking surprised, and shook the outstretched hand.

"Yeah… nice to meet you too."

He made to pick up the bag and chuckled.

"Sorry for my reaction… you just… look like someone I knew" he said, regaining his composure.

"Call me Drake, please. And thanks for taking care of Tavros."

The nervous smile on Gamzee's face turned into a confident grin and he nodded, patting Tavros' shoulder playfully.

"I will, Drake."

* * *

After Gamzee had gone home, Tavros went into his room, finally getting rid of that annoying and way to hot scarf.  
He wheeled over to his laptop and turned it on, checking his messages.  
When he saw that Jade wasn't online, Tavros frowned and decided to log out again.  
It was no use sitting there and waiting for her to come online…  
Now, Tavros had to think of something to do for the rest of the evening…  
His father had gone to bed early, after acting strange the whole time, and his mother was out working again.  
Jade was offline, and Tavros didn't really feel like chatting up someone else.  
He didn't even feel like playing games at the moment!  
Just when he was about to turn on the TV that stood next to his bed, his phone started ringing, startling him.  
Without even checking the screen, he picked up.

"Hello?"

"Oh hello Taaaavros."

Shocked, Tavros almost dropped the phone.

"V-Vriska, uh, how did you g-get my number?"

He heard an amused chuckle on the other side.

"My, Tavros. Why are you being so shy? It's not like we weren't best friends back in the days."

Tavros gulped and tried to remember what his therapist had told him over and over again.

Calm down.  
Distance yourself.  
Be not afraid, she is not here.

"W-we were not friends."

"Oh but we were, you even had a crush on me, remember?"

Oh god, why are you doing this to me, Tav thought, wishing that he could have just not picked up.

"Please d-don't call m-me again" he tried to say without stuttering too much.

"Don't hang up."

Tavros didn't.  
There was something about Vriska that he had never been able to explain.  
Whenever she ordered something, Tavros had no choice but to obey.  
He had wished that over the time, her influence had ceased, but it was still the same.

"W-why are you, uh, here?"

Vriska huffed.

"I had to change schools, and they have a pretty strict Director here, they thought it'd help me."

She spat out the words as if they were venomous spiders, though she would have liked these beasts anyway…

"But don't think that this will keep me from being your friend again! Maybe we can even make out a bit, if you have grown a pair yet of course."

"P-please – "

"Oh and don't even try to hide behind Makara or Pyrone's back you little coward. I will find a place and time when you are all alone and then you will see just how friendly I can be."

He heard a click and the connection was gone.  
Sitting there, frozen and sick, Tavros began to tremble.  
The thought of meeting Vriska alone terrified him and was enough to deny him sleep for several weeks.  
Then the phone rang again.

This time he dropped it and considered leaving it there.  
In the end, though, he picked it up and this time, looked at the caller ID.

Sighing relieved, he picked up.

"Hi Jade."

"Hi Tavros" he heard the perfectly calm voice of Jade.

"How are you, Tav?"

"Fine, you?"

"Tavros" Jade asked, sounding worried.

"Are you really okay?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You are, uhm, crying."

Tavros shook his head, but realized that indeed he was sobbing and tears were rolling down his cheek.  
The call had terrified him so much that he was in shock, not even realizing the state he was in.

"I'm sorry" he sobbed, clutching the phone.

"It's okay, what happened?"

"I… I'm scared Jade"

"Of what?"

Tavros wanted to get it out, but he was shaking violently when he let out all of his frustration and poured out his anger in tears.

"Tavros… it's okay, I'm here, well… on the phone anyway."

Between sobs, Tavros managed to laugh a bit, thanking god for Jade.  
She was so nice to him, always listening and making him laugh whenever he felt like crying.  
He had always wished for a girlfriend like this…  
A girl that was there for him, making him smile, shared his interests.  
Thanks to her he never felt alone or weak, she built him up and showed him his strength.

And suddenly It hit him…  
He liked making out with Gamzee, but Jade was there for him whenever he needed her.  
Maybe sexual attraction was all that bound him and Gamzee together…

Maybe, he was in love with Jade…

* * *

The next day at school was peaceful, despite the terror Tavros kept feeling, always expecting Vriska to attack him whenever he turned around a corner.  
But even if he was distracted by the luring danger, his head was always somewhere else.  
Did he like Jade?  
Did he feel more for Gamzee than simple attraction?  
He didn't know…

So he decided to ask someone who was rumoured to be an expert when it came to emotional confusion.

Karkat.

"WHAT?"

"I, uh, asked whether you… you know, could help me sort my, uh, feelings."

"WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP ASKING ME TO SOLVE THEIR FUCKING LOVELIFE?" He groaned, and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

Tavros nervously fidgeted with the wrapper of his snickers and blushed.

"Sollux and Terezi told me that you were great at that."

Karkat sighed and averted his eyes.

"I can't even solve my problems…"

Smiling wryly, the younger boy patted Karkat's shoulder.

"Let's say, uh, I help you, if you can help me, okay?"

After obviously fighting inside, Karkat nodded eventually.

"But just so you know, Gamzee is my best friend. I won't give you advice on how to hurt him."

Tavros nodded and looked at his new master, expectation gleaming in his eyes.

"So, firstly: What is the situation?"

"There's Gamzee, and I like him as a bro, and we…" Tav blushed and started ripping the wrapper apart  
"You know, do, uh, stuff… And then there's Jade. She is kind of… I don't know, different.  
I don't want to do the stuff I do with Gamzee with her…  
I just like having her around and laugh together and… she's uh, always there for me.  
I feel strongly for her I guess."

"Hmm"

Karkat gave Tavros a thoughtful look and sighed.

"So you have the hots for Gamzee, but you have a crush on a girl?"

Once again, Tavros nodded.

"Actually, most say that you should pick, depending on how much you feel for someone or how save you feel when you are with that person, which would be Jade here.  
But, and that's a big maybe I am fucking wrong but, you should do what I always do when I like someone or multiple people.  
When the time comes, meaning when you feel like shit and want to die and cry and throw yourself off the next fucking cliff, you will know who it is, because you will go to that person. You will search the one out when you need it most."

Wow, Tavros thought.  
Behind all that yelling and shouting was a very thoughtful mind…

"Thanks Karkat, I think I know what you mean."

"No problem, hope it was any help" Karkat said, smiling weakly.

"It is, or will be, whatever. If you need to talk about your, uh, crush or crushs, just call me up."

While he wheeled to his next class, Tavros felt happy, knowing that Jade was probably the right person for him.  
Whenever he had been feeling bad, she had been there to catch him, so it was obvious.  
Right?

* * *

After class, Tavros had a bad feeling.  
Something inside his head told him that evil was coming for him, probably in form of a malicious black haired girl with glasses.

Cautiously, he left the school building, looking around for Vriska, when suddenly he heard his name being called.  
He turned to his left and saw two blonde Teenagers walking towards him.  
One, the girl, dressed in black gothic clothes with pink accessory and dark lips. She was pretty, but somehow intimidated Tavros instantly.  
The boy walking next to her, was dressed in stylish black jeans and a red shirt, showing a cracked vinyl disc.  
His eyes were hidden by completely dark shades.

He waved at him and called his name again.

"Are you Tavros Nitram?" he asked when the two of them reached Tavros.

Confused, Tavros nodded.

"Yeah, uh, why?"

The boy smiled smugly and the girl took over.

"Jade, a friend we all share has asked us to accompany you home. She had mentioned something about a very nasty spider that stuck to you.  
Since we already know who you are, it will suffice to introduce us. I am Rose and this is Dave."

Dave gave Tavros a nod, as to say, I am cool with you knowing the name of the coolest guy alive.

"I heard you like to throw sick fires."

Tavros nodded, smiling smugly.

"Just don't get burned."

The comeback wasn't nearly as cool as Tavros had wanted it to be, it was rather horrible and he knew it when Dave snickered and shook his head slightly.

"Anyway, let's go home, still need to go shopping."

Somehow, despite the sentence being completely trivial and uncool, out of Dave's mouth it sounded as if it was cool and only meant for him…

Tavros was amazed.

* * *

On the way back, the three of them chatted and had a pretty good time, except for Rose occasionally talking in a way neither of the boys could imagine to understand.  
But Tavros was really happy to have had the two of them around, he felt protected and it was fun to meet some of Jade's friends…

His great mood vanished instantly when he entered the house and heard his mother screaming hysterically, followed by his father yelling.  
They had never fought like this.

Slowly, Tavros wheeled into the kitchen seeing his mother in tears and his father completely outraged.

It was downright frightening.

"Dad?"

When the two snapped their heads around and stared at him, Tavros instantly regretted saying a word.  
His mother got up and glared at him, eyes full of hatred and towered over him.

"Marlene" his father said, voice threatening

"Get away from him."

She ignored him though, and simply kept glaring at Tavros.

"You" she said, venom dripping from her voice.

"It's all your fault."

"Marlene!"

Tavros flinched when his mother suddenly started to scream at him.

"IF YOU HADN'T BEEN BORN I COULD HAVE LIVED A NORMAL LIFE! IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF YOU AND MY SISTER! THAT STUPID WHORE!"

Tavros stammered under her deadly glare and felt tears stinging in his eyes, when his mother was pulled away from him and his father shoved her against the fridge.

"I TOLD YOU TO GET AWAY FROM MY SON!" he shouted right into her face.

An amused smile appeared on her thin lips and she glanced at Tavros.

"Yeah, your son. Not mine."

It was like a punch into Tavros' guts. He had known that his mother never loved him that much, but this was a whole different dimension.

"Mu- "

"- Stop it" she said, laughing now, despite being pressed against the fridge and Tavros' father looking ready to rip her apart.

"You are not my son, believe me."

"Don't say that" Tavros sobbed, feeling the tears flow over.

"Look – "

" – Stop" his father interrupted.

"Oh shut up Drake. I have done enough for him! And now I am even telling him the truth! I even married you for him and my stupid sister!"

"Marlene – "

" – Tavros" she kept going, ignoring his father.

"My sister is your mother. She got pregnant from your good for nothing father and died giving birth to you. But because of – "

She shot Drake a deadly smile and saw his eyes growing desperate.

" – certain circumstances, I had to marry him and pretend to be your mother."

Tavros stared at them, tears falling and nonbelieving.

"That's not true… right? Dad?" he turned to look at his father, but was met with guilty silence that told more than words.

"No…" he barely whispered before turning his wheelchair and rushing outside.

He could hear his father calling after him and the cruel laughter of his moth- of his aunt…  
While he wheeled himself through the streets, he didn't care where to go. His whole life was built on a lie.  
He had always believed that his mother hated him because she had gotten him at young age, and now he didn't even have a mother.  
She had DIED giving birth to him!  
Tavros sobbed and slowly came to a halt, feeling his arms getting tired.  
The weather had started to change and it started to rain.

"Great" Tavros said, chuckling sadly.

"Just fucking great!" he yelled into the cold air, still crying.

There were no people around where he was, and as he looked around, he noticed that he was close to the little park in the middle of town.

Feeling the desperation rise again, he began to tremble, and with the last strength he could muster, rolled into the park, finding shelter under a big tree, not caring that he destroyed the lawn.

His mother was dead.  
His father a liar.

And all his life he had trusted his father, always seeing him as the highest of them all.  
On top of that, he had just been yelled at by the mother that he had considered his mother and heard her cursing his very existence.  
That, and the fact that his birth had killed his real mother ultimately crushed the little self-confidence he had left…

He wanted to cry, die and throw himself off the next cliff now…

Unconsciously he pulled out his phone and dialled a number, patiently waiting for the other person to pick up.

"This is Tavros… No, I'm not okay."

Trying to fight it and failing, Tavros sobbed and his voice broke.

"Please, I need you."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: heeey :D i tried to get it out as fast as possible :)  
**

**So enjoy :D and review if you like :)  
**

* * *

In the ten minutes that had passed since the call had ended, Tavros had stopped crying.  
After some point, the tears had stopped.  
Maybe he didn't have any left after all the times he had cried in the short time he had spent in this town.  
And now he was somewhere in a park, under a tree that didn't really grant him good shelter.  
He simply sat there, completely soaked from the merciless rain, oblivious to the fact that maybe it was dangerous to be here.  
But he had to stay here, wait here.  
Wait for the one he had cried out for…

Not even the rushed footsteps that came closer ripped Tavros out of his frozen state.  
He didn't look up from his lap until he saw dirty white sneakers appearing in his view.  
Slowly, Tavros raised his head, realizing just how tired he was. The simple movement seemed to drain him of all the strength he had left…  
But when his eyes met the other pair, some of his strength returned and warmth spread in his ice cold body.

Gamzee stood there, breathing heavy from the running and a hectic flush on his cheeks.  
The long black locks were completely soaked and stuck to Gamzee's face and neck.  
Under his arm, he carried a plastic bag, careful not to let any rain in.

For a moment they stood there, completely in silence, when Gamzee slowly got down on his knees so that their eyes met on the same level.

"Tavros, what the fuck happened?"

Tired, Tavros shook his head and lowered it.  
He jumped when a soaked, but warm hand cupped his face and gently pulled him closer into Gamzee's arms.

Strange, how a simple gesture of a hug and a caring hand, rubbing circles on his back, affected Tavros.  
He was shaken with violent sobs again and he brought his hands up to hold on to Gamzee's shirt, not wanting to ever let go.  
Soothing words were whispered into his ear, but he didn't understand them, he didn't care.  
All he cared about was the warmth that came from the other's body and the way he felt when he was held by these protective arms.

For what could have been hours, they remained like this, holding each other and comforting each other.  
But eventually, Gamzee slowly pulled away, still holding Tavros' face in his hand.

"We should get you home, you'll catch your motherfucking death out here."

"No!" Tavros protested and grabbed Gamzee's hand, squeezing it desperately.

"Anywhere but home, please."

Worried, Gamzee nodded with a bit of hesitation.

"Then you can come home with me."

Surprised, Tavros looked into his eyes.  
That hadn't been what he had expected…  
Karkat's place would have been more plausible, given that Gamzee practically lived there.  
It was nothing new that Gamzee didn't like his home that much and that he barely ever talked about his parents, but Tavros was a bit curious…

Smiling at the confused look on Tavros' face, Gamzee got up and pulled something bright purple out of the plastic bag.  
It was a huge and thick hoodie.

"Here" Gamzee said, handing it Tavros.

"You are soaked, and this will at least keep you motherfucking warm."

Seeing the determination in the purple eyes, Tavros decided that it was no use trying to say no…  
He put the hoodie on, and marvelled at how comfortable it was, despite being way too skinny and short to fit into it.

"Uh, thanks…" Tavros muttered, nuzzling into the soft fabric, while Gamzee made to push Tavros out of the park.

* * *

Tavros silently took in the house that stood before them, which was nothing like anything he had expected.  
From all the rumours and the stories that were going around about Gamzee, he had expected a rundown ghost house, or a hillbilly mansion…  
But this was a normal house like any other in this street.  
The only thing that separated this one from the other picked fence houses, was the fact that it looked kind of sad.  
Whether it was the lack of decoration or the darkness from inside the house, something made the air feel like pure sorrow.  
Tavros felt Gamzee tense up behind him, before he was pushed towards the entrance.

Inside, the atmosphere didn't really change.  
The house was silent and there was almost no furniture.  
Tavros spotted a tidy kitchen with a small table and one chair, but nothing to cook with.  
In the living room, the one Gamzee had wheeled him into, there was a couch, a relatively new TV, a PS2, a futon and a dresser.  
Despite looking like no one even lived here, everything was completely clean.  
There was no dust or spider webs, everything was perfectly spotless, simply… lonely.

"Make yourself at home" Gamzee said, smiling weakly and got out of his soaked shirt, throwing it through a door on the right side of the room.

"That's the bathroom, by the way."

Tavros nodded, not sure what to say.  
When Gamzee walked over to him, torso naked, he blushed a bit and smiled.

"Might wanna get into some motherfucking dry clothes, bro."

Again, Tavros nodded and watched Gamzee grabbing a pair of boxers and shirts from the dresser. They as well, were completely clean.  
Thanking Gamzee, Tavros took a pair and got into the bathroom to change.  
He was happy to get out of his clothes, and discarded them on the ground, surprised how warm it was inside the house.  
Something was a bit weird, and he'd ask Gamzee about it afterwards.

The moment, he left the bathroom, Tavros couldn't help but smile and a strange feeling spread in his stomach.  
Gamzee stood there, only in his boxers and typed into his cell phone.  
Somehow the sight of Gamzee like this calmed Tavros while making him nervous at the same time.

"G – Gamzee?"

Immediately, Gamzee turned his head and Tavros could have sworn to see the purple eyes checking him out, a blush creeping onto Gamzee's face at the sight of Tavros in his own clothes.  
Tavros had wanted to ask his question, when a loud yawn stopped him and he had to cover his mouth.  
Embarrassed, he chuckled and rubbed his neck.

"Tired?" Gamzee asked, laying his phone on the floor.

Tavros nodded and wheeled over to Gamzee, surprised when he was lifted into the other's arms and carried towards the bed.  
Careful not to hurt Tavros, Gamzee put him down and got under the covers himself.

For a moment they both lay on their backs, a bit awkward, until Tavros turned his head and smiled.

"Could you, uh, help me? I want to – "

Gamzee looked at him surprised, but smiling.

" – You want me to hold you?"

Blushing, Tavros nodded.

It was strange.  
They had touched each other so many times now, in way more intimate ways, but this was like a whole new level of intimacy.  
As if they had just been touching their outer shells up until now, and after Tavros had called out for Gamzee, allowing him to see him at his weakest… they had connected on another level and were now interacting on an emotional level of intimacy, where the simple touch of hands on a hip was enough to make a heart flutter.

Gamzee helped Tavros turn a bit, so that he could snuggle close to Gamzee who was laying on his side now, one hand on Tavros' waist and the other serving as a pillow for Tav.  
The air around them was no longer awkward, but familiar and comfortable, when the question popped back into Tavros' mind.

"Gamzee?" he asked, looking into the purple, half-lidded eyes and felt his heart speed up.

"Yeah?"

"C-can I ask you a question?"

"of course" Gamzee said, smiling goofily.

"About this house?"

For a moment, Gamzee's face went blank, and he glanced away, before sighing and returning to look into Tav's eyes.

"Yeah…"

"So? Why is it so… abandoned?"

Gamzee took a deep breath before he closed his eyes and pulled Tavros closer.

"It wasn't always like this… I grew up here, with my mum."

He opened his eyes again, and Tav could see immediately that he was uncomfortable.

"We don't, uh, have to – "

" – No" Gamzee said and brushed his fingers through Tav's Mohawk.

"I want to tell you, just… a short version, okay?"

When Tav nodded, Gamzee continued.

"My mum raised me alone, until I was eight and she… died. She had been very ill, but medication hadn't been a problem because she was from a rich family. But despite having consulted the best doctors and trying all we could, she passed away. I got into foster families, lived with my uncle – "

Tavros noticed that Gamzee was not too keen on talking about these particular years, so he held back his curiosity and kept quiet.

"Then, three years ago, I got into a deep hole. The cause of it was that my current family wanted to cut my contact with Karkat, my only friend back then, and I completely lost it. Karkat and his parents stood up for me, tried to convince the court that I was able to support myself with their help, and because of certain… evidence, they actually got through with it. I had always been supposed to inherit this house when I was older, but because of the circumstances, the court allowed me to have it now."

Gamzee let out a sigh and smiled wryly.

"Now I occasionally live here and Karkat helps me in keeping it clean. It's kind of my secret hideout where I can be alone…"

Completely surprised by the Gamzee he saw, Tavros tried to return the smile, but it wavered when he thought about his own family crisis that was currently wreaking havoc in his life.

"You must miss her a lot…" he said, bringing his hand up and stroking through Gamzee's locks.

He nodded and leaned into the touch, closing his eyes.

"C – can i…" Tavros began, but his voice broke when he felt the emotions he had abandoned in the park return.

Upon hearing the change in Tav's voice, Gamzee opened his eyes and gave him a worried look.

"Can I – tell you about my family as well?"

Gamzee nodded and pulled Tavros close, resting his chin on Tavros' head and wrapping his arms around the younger boy.

"Of course."

So Tavros told him, everything. From the way his aunt had treated him so far, to the moment where he had run away, not able to bear the looks of her, filled with nothing but hatred and disgust, and the defeated eyes of his father.

Despite thinking that there were no tears left to cry, Tavros ended up crying again.  
He broke down in Gamzee's arms, partly embarrassed, but not enough to stop.  
And as he clung to Gamzee, cursing his life and god, cursing fate and all that it had done to him, he thanked it at the same time.  
Thanked god for Gamzee.  
That was when Karkat's words appeared in his head again, one should be with the one they felt safe… the ones they'd cry out when desperation took over.  
And Gamzee had been there, was there right now, to catch him.  
The first person that had come to his mind when he broke down in the rain was Gamzee, and as he was now safe and soundly lying in his arms, Tavros finally felt what he had never really felt before.

He loved Gamzee.

The tears didn't stop for another while, but when they did, Tavros looked up into Gamzee's eyes and was once again completely assured in his feelings.  
With both hands, he cupped Gamzee's face and pulled him down to meet his lips.

A little bit surprised, Gamzee gasped but recovered immediately, tightening his hold on the boy.  
When Tavros deepened the kiss, it was not like it had always been, filled with lust and passion, but affectionate and gentle.

Everything about their embrace was now gentle and longing, but not rushed, not forced.  
It was natural and felt completely right.  
In that moment, Tavros lost himself in the safety and warmth of Gamzee and let go of the worries that would surely torture him in the morning…

But now, he knew only one thing…

"I love you" he whispered against Gamzee's lips, not really aware of what he had just said.

Instantly, Gamzee stopped his movement and stared down at Tavros, who, as soon as he processed the meaning of his words, stared up in horror as well.

Suddenly, Gamzee laughed and pressed his forehead against Tavros'

"I love you too."

* * *

When Tavros opened his eyes the next morning, a strange feeling of being lost caused a little bit of panic rise, but when he felt the warmth of Gamzee's body against his skin, his shirt had gotten lost sometime last night, he smiled and huddled close to the still sleeping Gamzee.  
Outside, the sun was shining, and now the house didn't seem so cold anymore, it was welcoming and somehow familiar now, filled with memories Tavros would probably never forget.  
They hadn't gone any further than before, but still, it had felt different and so much better than ever, now that it actually meant something.

As they lay there, Tavros almost fell back asleep, when he heard a muffled sound from his wheelchair.

His phone.

Curse these fucking useless legs, Tavros cursed inwardly and gently nudged Gamzee, watching his eyes flutter open slowly.  
And surprisingly, Tavros noticed that even though Gamzee had always been handsome, like this, his hair a mess and sleep still clouding the purple eyes, he was breath-taking…  
The older boy groaned and turned, Tavros in his arms and was now practically on top of him, nuzzling his nose into Tav's neck.

"Gamzee" Tavros chuckled and gently patted his shoulder.

"My ph – oooh!" Tavros let out a moan when Gamzee bit his earlobe and started kissing up and down his already bruised neck.  
He began smacking Gamzee's back, which only caused the tall boy to chuckle and bite down on a sensitive spot, making Tavros moan even louder.

"Noo-" Tavros laughed and tried to push Gamzee away playfully.

"I need to get it!"

Gamzee sighed annoyed but still smiling, before getting up and walking over to the wheelchair. After rummaging through Tav's bag for a moment, he fished out the blinking and vibrating phone and threw it on the futon next to Tavros before disappearing into the kitchen.

Unable to get rid of the goofy smile that was glued to his face, Tavros picked up.  
Before he could even say a word, the strained voice of his father rang in his ears.

"TAVROS! God! Finally you pick up…" he heard a relieved sigh

"Do you know how worried I was? I was searching the whole town the whole night!"

Guilt nagged at Tavros' heart and he decided to keep listening until his father had calmed down.

"Marlene is gone now, so please, come home Tavros… please, I am sorry, but let's just talk about it… Please…"

Something inside of Tavros wanted to race home immediately and take his father into his arms, but the fact that his father had lied to him his whole life still caused him to think otherwise.

"I… Dad, you lied to me. A child should be able to trust its parents…"

"Tavros, I know and I am sorry. But I was desperate back then… times, I was different back then. But please come home… "

"Dad – "

"You are all I have left Tavros…"

Tavros almost dropped his phone, hearing his father like this.

"I will come home today, okay?"

"Thank god – "

"Under one condition."

"Whatever you want Tavros."

"You will, uh, accept my boyfriend…"

For a moment there was silence on the other side, and Tavros bit his lip, hoping that his father wouldn't freak out.

"Your boyfriend?"

"Yes, Gamzee, you already met him."

"Gamzee Makara…?"

"Uh, yeah."

After another while of silence, Tavros finally heard the relieving words.

"Okay."

After the call had ended, Tavros sat there smiling to himself, when suddenly a thought began to bother him.  
Had he ever told his father Gamzee's last name?

No.

How the heck did he know it was Makara?

* * *

Drake Nitram sat at the round kitchen table, phone still in his hands and stared at the black display.

"Oh Alistair…"

He sighed deeply and closed his eyes.

"Your son is banging my son… Like father, like son"

With a loud groan, Drake let his head crush onto the hard wood and remained there, face down.

"Ouch"

* * *

**A/N:**

***edit: I've been asked as to how or why Drake and Alistair know each other.  
If you want to know please read my fic Magnets. A lot of Background information is explained there, Like how they met, what their relation is and if you read carefully, maybe you'll notice some other plot points :)  
**

**Now, the Prologue will be finished soon and then i can start with all the stuff i had planned.  
This will include, further shipping, more characters, such as different session charas, Calliope as well :)  
Of course i will try to keep PBJ the center couple, but i want other relationships to evolve as well.  
Drake and Karkat will be my first targets, then i think Equius, Dirk, Eridan, Calliope and Rose.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: **So sorry for the long wait :S I was really busy and have been through some really bad months.  
The chapter is rather short but at least I posted two :P

* * *

"Nervous?"

Tavros looked up into Gamzee's eyes and nodded slowly.

Before they had gotten here, Tav hadn't been aware that he could be so nervous, but now, standing in front of his house…

His father had promised to accept Gamzee, but still… there was no guarantee that he really wouldn't mind.  
Slowly, all the fears he had been pushing away came back and caused Tav's stomach to turn, but when a soft hand touched Tav's neck and gently turned his head up, he forgot about them.  
Gamzee gently kissed him, trying to calm the boy's nerves, even if only a bit.  
Letting out a relieved sigh, Tavros leaned into the kiss, pulling Gamzee closer by gripping his shirt gently.

Unfortunately, that was exactly when the door swung open and Tavros' father stepped outside, carrying a brown paper bag.

The couple didn't notice Drake, so he cleared his throat, trying to get over the picture of his son being kissed by the other boy.

Tavros pulled back instantly and stared at his father, wide eyed and with flushed cheeks that were taking on a deeper red as the seconds passed.

"Uhm, hi, boys."

A bit awkward, Gamzee nodded and stepped forward to shake Drake's hand.

"Hi, Drake."

Smiling a bit embarrassed, Drake nodded, but kept his eyes on Tavros.

"Tav?"

Drake stepped forward and kneeled down in front of his son, trying to smile encouragingly.

"Look, I am so so – "

He was cut off, when Tavros suddenly wrapped his arms around his father's neck and pulled him close.  
Surprised but happy, Drake returned the hug.

"I am still mad…" Tavros said

"But it's okay."

As soon as they let go of each other, Tav noticed the paper bag in his father's hand.

"Are you going somewhere, dad?"

Having completely forgotten all about the bag, Drake looked down and realized that he had indeed planned on going somewhere.

"Yeah… but it can wait. I'd rather talk to you before that"

Drake turned his head to smile at Gamzee.

"You can stay for dinner if you want" he offered, hoping that it would please Tavros a bit.

But despite his kind offer, Gamzee shook his head, smiling apologetic.

"Sorry, but I already promised Karkat's mum to drop by for dinner."

Disappointed, Tavros sighed.  
He had hoped that Gamzee would stay, so that he could really get to know his father, but it would have to wait, he guessed.

"But I'd love to come over sometime" Gamzee said, grinning at Tavros.

Instantly, Tavros cheered up a bit. Of course, they had all the time in the world.

Tav felt his heart when the word passed his mind.  
They were an item now, Gamzee was his boyfriend…  
He had fallen in love and was being loved back for the first time in his life, and simply knowing that was enough to cause a wide smile spread across his face.

Drake nodded and turned around, opening the front door again.

"I'll leave you guys to say goodbye. Take care Gamzee."

"Yes, sir!"

As soon as Drake disappeared inside, Gamzee chuckled and leant down, until he was face to face with Tavros, who was already blushing.

"I like your dad, he's cool."

"Uh, thanks, uhm… I guess he is" Tav stuttered.

"So… do you really have to go already?"

Shrugging, Gamzee nodded.

"Yeah, sorry, but I think it's better this way. You two have stuff to fix anyway."

"Yeah, I guess… can I call you tonight?"

Gamzee laughed and took Tav's face into his hands.

"Of course, I would motherfucking love you calling me tonight."

Smiling, Tavros reached for Gamzee's shirt and gently pulled him closer.

"Thanks for not swearing in front of my – hmph!"

Tavros gasped, when Gamzee suddenly leaned in to kiss him, interrupting him mid-sentence.

He didn't mind though, in fact, Tavros happily responded and pulled Gamz even closer, wrapping his arms around the other boy's neck.  
They were kissing completely out in the open, but Tavros couldn't have cared less at the moment, all he wanted was to keep Gamzee as close as possible.  
But when he suddenly felt Gamzee's fingers, sliding under his shirt, Tav drew back, blushing furiously.

"Sorry" Gamzee said, smiling smugly.

"I – It's okay… just not, uhm, out in the open…"

Nodding, Gamzee straightened back up and winked at Tav.

"Got it. So, call me, okay?"

"I will, uh, greet Karkat for me."

Again, Gamzee nodded, wile turning around to leave.  
Still with a goofy smile on his lips, Tavros decided to finally go inside, as soon as Gamzee had vanished from his view.

His boyfriend…

Inside, Tavros dropped his backpack on the floor and wheeled into the kitchen, where he saw his father preparing dinner.

"What's for dinner?" he asked, trying to break the awkward silence.

Even though they had reunited warmly outside and despite Drake seeming very tolerant towards Gamzee, Tavros felt that something was still up.  
His father looked tense, upset even…

"Chop-suey, you like that, right?" Drake said, without turning his head, and kept cutting the vegetable.

"Yeah… I do."

Quietly, Tavros wheeled his wheelchair to the table and rested his arms on the table, searching for words to lift the heavy atmosphere.

"Dad… what's wrong?"

The clanking sound of a knife being put aside was heard, and Drake let out a deep sigh.

"Tav"

Tav's father turned around and sat down across the table, studying Tavros with worried eyes.

"First of all, I am not angry… just… a bit overwhelmed by this whole situation."

"You mean Gamzee?" Tavros asked, frowning and crossing his arms.

"Partly, yes. I don't mind you being together, I will have to cope with that… it's just – "

"You think I am weird?"

Drake frowned and glared at Tavros.

"I'd never think that you are weird. You are my son and all I have, Tavros. I love you no matter what.  
And I swear to god, if you start the: 'I am weird and you don't love me' conversation again, I'll slap you, I am sick and tired of always having to tell you that I love you, no matter who you are."

Surprised, Tavros gaped at his father.  
He had never seen him so angry…  
So, deciding that maybe he shouldn't challenge his father right now, he simply sat back and listened.

"Look, the problem is not you, it's me. I am scared, you know? Scared that you will make the same mistakes that I have done in the past…"

Drake brushed back his hair and chuckled.

"Did I ever tell you that I used to dye my hair red?"

Smiling, Tavros shook his head.

"Yeah, well I did a lot of stuff that I should really regret now… yet I don't because out of all these things, you were the best thing that ever happened to me, you know?"

"Dad…"

"No, let me finish. I will tell you some of these things… so that maybe you can understand why all of this has happened."

Taking a deep breath, Drake began to think back… back to the times where he had been an entirely different person…

"I used to live on the streets, back when I was a kid. I got into trouble and joined a gang… some things went wrong and I was arrested."

Wow, that was nothing like the things Tavros had expected… he had expected his father to have maybe taken some drugs, nothing more. He was such a decent and nice man…

"But before I was arrested, I… I met one of the most wonderful persons that had lived on this planet, your mother.  
I really loved her, but one day she decided that she couldn't be with me anymore, and today I know that it was because she was pregnant, with you.  
She loved you and didn't want for you to grow up with a screwed up dad like me."

Instantly, Tavros reached over the table and grabbed his father's hand.

"You are not screwed up, you are the best dad I could wish for…"

Drake smiled weakly and continued.

"Well, back then I was in no condition to raise a kid… I only heard about you when Marlene came to visit me after you had been born.  
I was completely shocked.  
Back then I was only about 19, so how would I be able to raise a kid? Especially, since I was still stuck in prison.  
And for me it was no option to give you up for adoption.  
So despite being the witch she is, Marlene offered to keep you for as long it would take me to get out.  
During that time I… I had someone to support me…"

Drake stopped and looked down at the table, sadder than Tavros had ever seen him.

Right now, all Tavros wanted was to make him stop.  
It was obvious that talking about all this was painful for his father and it had never been his intention to hurt his father… but on the other hand, it was necessary for him to know why his father had lied to him all this time.

"I found a way to get out and managed to get a job back in my hometown… but I wasn't allowed to keep you."

"What?"

"They wouldn't let me have you, unless I married. That's where Marlene comes in. She agreed to marry me, despite knowing that I'd never love her."

When his father looked up, Tavros saw that he was sincerely sorry.

"So you see, Marlene isn't all evil, she just… I can kind of understand why she was so angry.  
I had suggested a divorce a long time ago, but she didn't want to, because of the money.  
And yesterday, I just snapped, told her to leave, when she had started a fight."

For a while, both remained silent, collecting their thoughts.

"Dad, I… I don't really know what to say. I, uh, understand why you lied to me, but there is something, uh, I still don't get…"

"Which is?" Drake asked, sighing relieved.

"What does this have to do with Gamzee?"

Shit, Drake thought.

How was he supposed to tell his son to be careful around Gamzee, or the reason why he was uncomfortable around the boy, without spilling the beans about his weird hate/love with Alistair?

That was something, he'd never tell Tavros…

"Just… he smells like trouble."

Not really convinced, Tavros sighed and rolled his eyes.

"He does not. Maybe he's a bit… special, but that is one of the reasons I like him, dad."

With a defeated chuckle, Drake bit his lips and nodded.

"Okay, just give me time to adjust, please."

Smiling, Tavros nodded.

"So, are we good?"

"Of course" Drake replied "There's just one little thing. Never run away like that again, okay?"

"Yeah… sorry about that."

* * *

Today was a great day.  
Gamzee hummed a song that had been stuck in his head, as he slowly walked down the street.  
He and Tavros were finally together, though… it had happened pretty fast, in some minutes,  
he would sit down with the Vantas family and spend a nice, quiet evening and he had taken his pills, without having experienced any of the side effects yet, aside from the constant drowsiness of course.  
The only thing that had left him a bit worried was the way Drake kept reacting to him, but that was probably normal for an overprotective father.

Gamzee shoved the thought back and continued his humming, when a car stopped next to him, and the window was opened.

"Gamzee"

Said boy stopped and turned to look at the driver.  
The young man behind the wheel was giving him an annoyed and stressed out look.  
Which wasn't a rare thing at all, given that the man looked almost like an older version of Karkat.  
Dressed in a red pullover, wild black hair and eyes that seemed to question each and everything, he really resembled his little brother.

"Yo, Kankri… how are you motherfucker?"

Kankri rolled his eyes and began to massage his temples.

"Just… get in already."

Shrugging, Gamzee walked around the car and got in.

"So how are – "

"Don't use that vulgar language… I have told you over and over again that it is not okay to do that."

Gamzee chuckled and put on his seatbelt.

"Oh come on, it's not like anyone besides you motherfucking cares."

Sighing, Kankri started the car and concentrated on the street.

"Gamzee, have you ever considered, that maybe you hurt someone like that, or sincerely insult a person?  
You could trigger unwanted memories or emotions when talking like that,  
and by doing so, you would not only pollute the conversation but also change the person's view of you in a negative way, in turn, that person would feel uncomfortable and could react passive, even hostile towards you,  
but not only you would be involved, all of that hostility could affect your environment and the people you surround yourself with, meaning Karkat or some other friends, or maybe even a person for which you have romantic interests, their image and well being would be endangered as well, which is not in your interest, is it?"

Kankri didn't turn to look at Gamzee, who sat there quietly and still trying to sort the words that had been hurled at him in an unbelievable pace.

"Uh…"

"Great. So if you agree with me, you should stop using vulgar words or even always act so friendly.  
First of all, you could learn the meaning of personal space, not always – "

"Uh, Kankri?"

"Please let me finish, Gamzee – "

"No, Kanrki…"

Annoyed, Kankri turned his head to look at Gamzee, who was pointing at the street.

"We passed the house."

Surprised, Kankri hit the breaks and brought the car to a halt.

"Oh… you are right. Well, I'll turn around, just a minute."

"What the hell took you so long?!" Karkat yelled, the moment Kankri opened the door.

Kankri sighed and placed a hand on his little brother's shoulder, while Gamzee squeezed by the fuming boy.

"Calm down, Karkat…"

"Don't you tell me what to do! You know that dad is ill and that he -"

"- Karkat, I know that our late arrival was a sign of indignity and disrespect, and I am truly –"

Groaning, Karkat shook off his brother's hand and turned around.

"Spare me you psychological nonsense Kankri…"

Quite startled, Kankri needed a moment to realize that he had no one to rant to.

Frowning, he stepped inside and closed the door.

"That was very offensive!"

Chuckling, Gamzee peered into the hallway, and smiled at Kankri, who with a shaking head, followed the two into the kitchen, where the while family had already taken their seats and were looking at Kankri with expectant looks.  
Kankri sat down and studied the others while they began to eat.

Gamzee dug in as if all of it was meant solely for him, while Karkat tried to snatch the salad from his best friend and passing it on to his chuckling mother.  
She was a petite woman, kind and compassionate, but with a fiery temper, when needed.  
Her long brown hair was braided over her shoulder and she occasionally brushed a stray strand of hair out if her face.  
Next to her sat their father...

Kankri gave him a wry smile before he began eating his pasta without much hunger.  
Their father's condition kept getting worse and as time passed, it began to reflect in his face.  
His cheeks were growing hallow and he had darker shades under his eyes than usual.  
But despite his worsening condition, their father kept smiling and remained optimistic.

Kankri hated it...

He would have preferred to talk about the issue instead of simply ignoring it.

But he knew that it was even worse for Karkat to talk about the situation than it was for anyone else, so Kankri decided to keep quiet and even ignore the horrible language of Gamzee for the moment.

After dinner, it was time for Kankri to return to his dorm.  
While all of the others were watching TV, Kankri shrugged on his jacket, when suddenly his mother rushed into the hallway and grabbed his arm, pulling him into the living room.

"What?"

"You have to see this, and you will stay here!"

The panic in his mother's voice worried him, so he just followed her.

"So, what's so - "

"Your motherfucking school is on fire, bro!" Gamzee laughed and pointed at the TV.

Kankri, not sure why that would be a laughing matter, turned to the TV and saw a huge, beautiful building, collapsing and burning like hell had just been dropped on it.

'The alarm of the school hadn't gone off and because of that, help was too late for some of the victims that died either because if the fire or the smoke.  
The circumstances around the fire are still unclear, but the police suspect that it has nit been an accident.  
The school that had sheltered many elite students was also a school for students that required special treatment and the exact damage can not be estimated so far.'


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: **Second chapter in a row :D I really can't help but add the new characters XD Don't worry, the alpha kids and so on will appear as well, and I am working on a Dirk story on the side.

* * *

The next day, Tavros was excited to go to school, he had never had a boyfriend before and he wondered how openly Gamzee would be about them...  
But while thinking about it, his happiness was clouded by the fact that he could be facing a lot of consequences...  
Bullying, weird looks...

He clenched his eyes and shook his head, trying to get it out of his mind, when suddenly he hit something and he heard a loud thud.  
Quickly he opened his eyes and saw a person sitting on the floor, rubbing his head and trying to get up.  
It was a boy, with black, curly hair, dressed in black.

"Oh my god Gamzee, I am sorry!" Tav said quickly, offering a hand to help him up.

But when "Gamzee" raised his head, Tavros realized that he hadn't run over his boyfriend, but a stranger that looked almost the same, if only a bit older.

"S-sorry" Tavros repeated and stared into the purple eyes of the stranger.

Something about him was not right...  
He seemed to be dangerous, though there was no visible indication for it besides his disturbing eyes.

Without a word, the boy got up and smiled down at Tavros.

"Are you okay?" Tavros asked again.

The stranger nodded and began to move his hands and fingers quickly.  
It took Tav a moment to realize that the stranger was using sign language, probably because he was either mute or deaf.

"Oh sorry, I, uh, don't know how to…"

He wanted to finish, but the boy shook his head and gave him a thumbs up.

"So you are okay?"

The boy nodded.

Relieved, Tavros smiled and decided to go search for Gamzee, when suddenly, he felt someone grab his shoulder, and he was pulled away from the stranger.

"Wha – !" Tavros shrieked.

"Calm your tits, Tav… it's me"

Upon hearing the familiar voice, Tavros blushed slightly and looked up into the face of Gamzee, who looked utterly pissed.

"Uh, Gam – "

"Kurloz, what the fuck are you doing here?" Gamzee growled, glaring at the boy in front of Tavros.

Kurloz smiled and waved at Gamzee, before shrugging and walking off.

"Gamzee? What was that about?"

Sighing, Gamzee walked around the wheelchair and stared after Kurloz.

"That was my cousin, Kurloz. I have no motherfucking idea why he is chilling here… I thought he was at some fucking school for nut jobs."

"You don't like your cousin?"

"I have told you I used to live with my uncle, haven't I?"

Tavros nodded.

"That's his son, and he's just as screwed up as his father."

Finally, Gamzee tore his gaze away and smiled down at Tavros.

"Come on, I'll take you to your class."

* * *

Throughout the whole day, Tavros noticed more and more faces he had never seen at this school before, but he was new, so he didn't meditate on the thought.  
It was during lunch that he realized that most students were just as clueless about the strange people as he was.

"Sssssollux…"

Tavros, Gamzee, Karkat and Sollux had been eating together, and now looked up at the boy behind Sollux.

He was dressed in a yellow shirt and black loose jeans.  
Tavros couldn't make out his eyes, because they were hidden underneath wild black hair and a yellow cap.

Sollux sighed and turned around.

"What ith it Mituna? I told you not to talk to me at thchool…"

The boy nervously fidgeted with the messenger bag he had strapped around his shoulders and looked down at the floor.

"I'm sorry…"

"It'th okay, what ith wrong?"

"I… I llllost my bag."

Again, Sollux let out an impatient sigh and scratched his neck.

"It ith right there" he said, pointing at the bag.

"No" Mituna replied.

"Yeth it ith, now pleathe go away, find your friendth or thomething."

Sollux turned around when Mituna made a snarling sound and wanted to stomp, but somehow he slipped and fell to the ground.  
All students, except for the group that sat with Sollux burst into laughter and began to point at him, while he tried to get up again, confused by the laughter around him.

But despite his efforts, he slipped again and hit the floor, causing more laughter to rise.

Suddenly, he was picked up and the room went silent.  
A gorgeous girl had helped him to get up and was now steadying him.  
Her long black hair fell on her back and she was dressed in old-school skater clothes.

"Wow there Mituna, take care baby" she said loudly and chuckling.

"I think I found your bag by the way…"

Mituna looked up and cocked his head.

"You are wearing it, babe."

Slowly, Mituna looked down and began to chuckle.

"Yesss I am."

The girl looked at Sollux and pointed her finger at him, ignoring the way Mituna was imitating her.

"Sollux, boy, take care of him when I'm not there, kay?"

With that, the two of them left, and slowly the students began to eat and chat again.

"Uh, what exactly was that" Tavros asked Sollux.

He wanted to open his mouth, but Karkat was faster.

"That was Mituna and his, well, girlfriend Latula. Mituna is Sollux' cousin and Latula is Terezi's big sister.  
This weekend, Beforus academy was burnt down and now they were sent here.  
My brother is here as well."

Gamzee scoffed and leaned against Tavros, resting his head on his shoulder.

"So that's why the son of a bitch is here… motherfucking bull shit."

Worried, Karkat glanced from his upset friend to Tavros who seemed to be just as worried as him.

But Tavros didn't know what had happened between them… or did he?  
He pondered on what Tavros knew about Gamzee by now, when suddenly they were interrupted by a cheerful giggle.

"Hey guys!" Feferi chimed and positioned her self in front of Eridan who was looking rather uncomfortable.

"Feferi!" Sollux said, smiling.

"Can we eat here? The other tables are full?"

"Well" Sollux said, grinning at Eridan.

"I don't mind you but we might be too mainthtream for that little guy over there."

"Oh come on motherfucker… give that bro a chance" Gamzee said, trying not to sound hostile.

Content, Feferi smiled and squeezed herself between Karkat and Sollux, while Eridan sat down next to Gamzee, pouting.

"By the way, did you know that people from Beforus Academy are here? My sister is here as well, and Eridan's cousin."

Karkat nodded.

"Yeah, all the geniuses and the nut jobs are here, Kenaya is almost having a mental breakdown because her famous sister is here."

Tavros smiled wryly.  
As long as Gamzee didn't get into a fight with his cousin, everything should be all right, but he had a feeling that it was somehow inevitable.

* * *

The thought of Gamzee getting so upset about his cousin haunted Tavros all the way home, but vanished instantly when he opened the front door and was met with a familiar face, grinning at him.

"Rufioh!" Tavros cheered before he was pulled into the boy's arms.

Rufioh chuckled and released Tavros.

"Come in" he said, closing the door after Tav.

Grinning widely, Tavros studied his cousin.

He had changed his usual plain hairstyle to a wild mane of red, brown and black.  
Paired with the blazing orange eyes and the tanned skin, he looked extremely handsome.

"You have changed so much" Tavros said.

"Well, you have too, I dig the Mohawk" he said, winking at him.

Blushing, Tavros brushed his fingers through his hair and shrugged.

"What are you doing here anyway?"

Rufioh smiled.

"I got a new job but my fist day is in like two months, so I thought I'd come to visit you guys again."

"Guys!" Drake called from the kitchen.

"Instead of chatting like old ladies, could you please dish the table?"

Rufioh sighed and rolled his eyes.

"I already did that uncle Drake, don't sweat it."

When Tavros was pushed into his room, he heard his father mumble something in the kitchen and he couldn't hold back a chuckle.

As soon as they got into his room, Rufioh hopped on top of Tav's bed and crossed his legs.

Like always, he seemed to be confidence impersonated… something Tavros had dreamed to be ever since he was able think.

"So, what's the news lil' cousin?" Rufioh asked.

Tavros thought about what to answer for a moment, what he could tell and what he'd better keep to himself, but still, the thing he blurted out was the thing he had been too scared to say.

"I have a boyfriend!"

For a moment, Rufioh stared at him, suddenly all serious and Tavros could almost make out insecurity.

"Wow that was somehow not what I expected…" Rufioh said, pulling up his knees and resting his head on them.

"Well, I mean congrats! But wow, does uncle know?"

Tavros nodded, worried if he had just changed Rufioh's view of him.

"Yeah, he's totally fine with it…"

Sighing relieved, Rufioh began to smile again.

"Well that's a relief! You really had me worried for a moment. It's just… don't tell that to anyone in our family except for your dad, okay?"

Confused, Tavros cocked his head aside.

"Why?"

Rufio shrugged.

"They'd probably burn you or drown you as a hideous creature from hell…"

Tavros chuckled, but when he noticed that Rufioh was serious, he stopped.

"You, uh, can't be serious…

"Oh, I am."

He took a deep breath.

"No one knows that I also… well, have had things with guys… they only know about my girls."

"You did?" Tavros asked, gaping at his cousin.

"Yeah, but like I said, no one knows so please, keep it to yourself, okay?"

Tavros nodded, and for the first time, he saw his cousin without the pretence of confidence… his fingers clawing his knees and his eyes worried and focused.

"I never would have guessed" Tavros admitted.

"But you know, you can tell my dad… he doesn't care, but it would be good, uh, to talk about it."

Rufioh chuckled and reached up to ruffle Tavros' hair.

"Let's forget about that, tell me about your boyfriend instead, how is he?"

Immediately, Tavros began to smile and he felt his cheeks heat up.

"His name is Gamzee Makara… he's a great guy, just a bit different, I guess. He's just so special…"

"Aww " Rufioh chuckled "Someone's seriously in love there. Is he handsome?"

Tavros nodded.

"He has scars on his face though… he didn't tell me how he got them yet. We have only been dating for a few days now."

"Okay, so…" Rufioh smiled sheepishly "have you done it yet?"

Tavros turned red immediately and looked down at his hands.

"No… well, uh, we made out… and he, uh, uhm…"

When Rufioh began to laugh softly, Tavros frowned.

"That's private!"

Now Rufioh burst into laughter and let himself fall back on the bed.

"Gee, Tav! Don't sweat it."

Pouting, Tavros crossed his arms in front of his chest and pretended to ignore Rufioh.

"You are just jealous because you wouldn't get laid" Tavros said, smirking without looking at him.

It was funny how confident he became whenever he was with Rufioh, he felt stronger and able to stand up for himself.

"Oh you have no idea" Rufioh replied, winking at him.

"Guys and gals are all over me, like seriously! Sometimes it's almost scary how they are all after me! especially that Damara girl!"

Rufioh shuddered at the thought.

"And there's this guy…"

Tavros watched his cousin go quieter and his face took on a pained expression.

"I like him, you know? But he's just so… weird I don't know.  
I keep trying to break up with him, but whenever I talk to him, he tells me that I am his life and that he had no reason to live before he met me… that I am his sun and so on…  
I can't just shatter his dream castle like that, can I?"

Tavros shrugged and looked down at his cousin, who appeared to be genuinely torn by the matter.

"Guys! Dinner is ready!" Drake called from the kitchen.

Rufioh sighed and put on his confident smile again.

"Come on, I wouldn't want to miss your father's cooking, it's awesome."

* * *

Gamzee still felt annoyed and angry when he entered the door to his house, not feeling like hanging around Kankri all the time.  
It was one of the rare times when his head was clear but he didn't feel like strangling someone, or at least he didn't feel tempted to do it…

Maybe it was thanks to Tavros…

Feeling happy by the mere thought of his boyfriend, Gamzee smiled, but it vanished instantly when he saw a figure standing in the living room, in front of the big window.

"Kurloz… get the fuck out of here."

The boy smiled and opened his arms, ignoring the hostility from Gamzee.

"I told you to leave" Gamzee growled.

Fast and with a grin on his face, Kurloz moved his fingers and lowered his head, before walking past Gamzee and leaving the house.

_Don't deny your past, one day it will be just like before, just like when we were running the dark carnival, brother._

Gamzee groaned and hit the wall with his left fist, hard enough to cause cracks in the wooden wall.  
His hand hurt, but he had to blow off some steam.

He wouldn't go back…

He had Tavros now, and Karkat and other friends… he wasn't lonely anymore and he didn't want that old life back…

Right…?


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N** Sorry guys for the long absence :S I had finished this chapters a few weeks back, but I didn't manage to upload it until now.  
I hope people are still interested and red this story XD

* * *

Sighing, Drake rested his head in his palms as he leant against his bedroom door.  
Tonight, Gamzee was going to come over and with the approaching hour, his anxiety grew steadily.

In his mind he kept telling himself that the fear was simple paranoia about his boy growing up, but something else kept nagging him…  
Alistair was his father… and something about Gamzee told him that the looks weren't the only similarities between them.

It was the mature, constantly luring look in their eyes that had always caused shivers to run down Drake's spine.  
The way Alistair had carried himself was a bit different though.  
He had been fully aware of the insanity inside of him, and was most certainly filled with pride and confidence because of it, while it seemed as if Gamzee hadn't really arrived in his skin yet…

It was hard to describe, but Gamzee seemed insecure in a way that gave Drake hope that he may not follow his father's footsteps one day.  
Of course Tavros didn't see any of that… he was in love and naïve by nature, too kind for this world…  
And Drake had to admit, that weird insanity had been one of the reasons he had always felt a rather disturbing bond with Alistair, but doing stupid stuff and seeing your child doing the same were two different things.  
Drake had hoped that his son would find a nice girl… or boy, but not someone of Makara's calibre.

And now this guy was about to come over for dinner and he'd probably stay the night while Drake was out because he had to work a late night shift.  
Well, at least Rufioh was here to keep an eye on them while he was out.  
Not even Gamzee would pull a stupid stunt when Tavros' cousin was there… right?

"Dad?"

Drake jumped when he heard Tav's voice from the other side of the door.

"Yeah?" he asked, trying to keep a steady voice.

"Rufioh and I prepared the table, should we start cooking?"

Yeah, he had to cook…

"I'll be there in a second, thanks."

He took a deep breath, hearing Tavros take off, probably to play a video game in his room or whatever.  
This anxiety had to stop, he reminded himself.  
No matter who Gamzee was, he was Tav's boyfriend and Drake would support his son in any kind of situation…  
But if Gamzee would give him the slightest reason for concern, he'd take the boy out with his own hands, Alistair's son or not, he'd go over corpses for the sake of Tavros…

Smiling excited, Tavros wheeled back into his room where Rufioh was busy sneaking over the rooftops of colonial Boston.  
Tav chuckled when he saw the focused look on his cousin's face as he lay on the bed.

"Does he want us to help?" Rufioh asked, his eyes glued to the screen.

"Nope" Tav answered "but I'd like to help if that's okay with you."

Smiling, Rufioh stopped the game and finally turned to look at Tavros.

"Nervous?"

Tav stuttered and brushed through his hair.

"Y… yeah, I guess a bit. I mean he'll sleep over and eat dinner with dad and you and – "

" – Oh, by the way, I probably won't stay the whole evening…" Rufioh interrupted his smile turning into a grin upon seeing Tavros blush.

"What?!"

With a chuckle, Rufioh sat up straight and patted his cousin's head.

"Don't worry, you'll be fine."

Not too sure, Tavros began cracking his knuckles.

"Believe me Tav, it'll be fine" Rufioh smiled "I even left some condoms in your nightstand" he added with a wink.

Shocked and blushing, Tavros gaped at his cousin, not sure whether he was joking or not.  
As well as he knew his cousin and friend, he was probably dead serious.

"I… I don't think we're going to… you know, uh…"

When Rufioh burst into laughter, Tavros scowled and punched him in the rib.

"You are such a jerk sometimes."

"Gee, Tav. If you are that excited and nervous, why not camp in front of the door until he arrives?" Rufioh whined, trying to find a comfortable position on the couch, while Tavros kept glancing to the front door he could see through the open hallway

"I am not THAT nervous…" Tav tried to defend himself.

"Tav, if you could you'd be pacing the room…"

Rufioh instantly regretted what he said when he saw a flash of hurt in Tav's eyes and his cousin's eyes stopped studying the door and stared down at his hands.

"Sorry Tavros, I – "

"It's okay…"

"No it's – "

"I said it's OKAY" Tavros said, gritting his teeth.

Then and there, it was Rufioh who let out a sigh of relief when the doorbell rang, freeing him from the awkward silence.  
Hurt forgotten, Tav hurried to the front door and opened it, smiling widely when he saw the person he had been waiting for the whole day.

"Hey Tavbro" Gamzee greeted.

He was about to lean down for a quick kiss, when Drake appeared in the hallway and a boy that resembled Tavros a lot stuck his head out of the living room.  
Gamzee cleared his throat and straightened his back, stepping inside after throwing Tavros an affectionate smile.  
When he received an acknowledging nod from Drake, the smile widened and he felt a bit less awkward.  
Without another word, Drake returned to the kitchen.

"So this is your boyfriend?"

The boy who had stuck out his head was now standing behind Tavros, curiously eying Gamzee.

"Yeah" Tavros said.

"Gamzee, this is my cousin Rufioh, Rufioh, this is Gamzee."

"Nice to motherfucking meet you bro" he said, shaking the hand of the surprised boy.

Rufioh shot Tavros a confused glance, hearing the weird way Gamzee talked.

"Don't worry, he's always like that" Tav said.

Instantly, Rufioh regained his smug smile and nodded.

"Nice to meet you too."

Together, they went into the living room, Rufioh claiming the couch, while Gamzee slumped down on an armchair next to Tavros.  
Smiling, Rufioh noticed that Gamzee was leaning towards Tavros, sneaking a hand around the boy's shoulders.  
He had to hold back a chuckle upon seeing his cute cousin blush.

In the end, Rufioh and Tavros both came to the conclusion that watching a show like big bang theory was a lot funnier when Gamzee was present.  
He'd question the most logical things and add weirdly accurate comments now and then, imitating the actors and simply ridiculing the whole show even more.  
Tavros noted that he'd have to watch an American dad marathon with him one day.

"Guys?"

Drake watched the boys looking up to him, not too happy to see Gamzee with his arm around his son.

"Dinner's ready… uhm"

Gamzee smiled goofily.

"Thanks mister N."

Feeling strangely proud, being called mister, Drake smiled and turned around, followed by Rufioh.  
Tav also wanted to steer his wheelchair around, when he felt Gamzee keeping him in place.

"Gamzee, we shou – "

He gasped when he was interrupted by Gamzee, who had leaned in to kiss him.  
It was a short and chaste kiss, but Tavros' face was flushed when Gamzee pulled back.

"Haven't had the chance to say hi" was hall he said before getting up and walking into the kitchen.

Grinning, Tavros chuckled and shook his head before he followed him.

"So, Gamzee, do you already know what you're going to do after you finish school?"

Drake gave Gamzee, who trying to quickly swallow a huge amount of mashed potatoes, a questioning look.

"Dad!" Tavros interrupted, glaring at his father from across the table.

"What?" he asked, chuckling when he saw Tavros' annoyed face.

"Don't turn this dinner into an interrogation please…"

"It was a simple question…" he returned.

Gamzee, who had finally swallowed, raised his hand and smiled at Tavros.

"It's okay, dude, I don't mind."

He turned to Drake.

"Actually I am not sure yet, I'll probably not make it into a great collage, so maybe I'll just work."

Drake nodded.

"At least you're honest about it."

Tavros slammed down his fork and shot his dead a furious glare, unusual for him.

"Dad! Stop it!"

Drake set down his cutlery as well and leant back.

"I am just speaking my mind…"

"You have been trying to pick a fight the whole dinner!"

Quietly, Rufioh followed the conversation with his eyes.  
Tav was right, Drake had been trying to upset Gamzee the whole time, probably to test the boy's patience or to give him a reason to throw him out…  
He knew how tough it must have been for Tav, but he couldn't help him on this one.

"I haven't – "

"Yes you were!" Tav almost yelled and pushed himself away from the table.

"I have had enough!"

Drake sighed.

"Tav…"

But he was already leaving the dining room and was probably in his bedroom.  
Without wasting a second, Gamzee got up and followed him, patting Drake's shoulder on the way out.

"Don't worry mister, I know you mean well."

Confused, Drake stared after Gamzee…  
Maybe he had misjudged him…

When Gamzee headed towards Tavros' room, he noticed the boy sitting in the living room, zapping through the programs.  
Smiling softly, Gamzee sat down on the couch, next to Tavros, and gently brushed his fingers through Tav's Mohawk.

"Hey Tav…"

Tavros shook his head and stared into the TV, not really watching it.  
It was clear that he wanted to be left alone, but Gamzee simply sat next to him, never moving an inch, until Drake appeared in the doorframe.

"Tav, I'm going to work now – " it seemed as if he was looking for words to say, regret plainly visible in his eyes " – forget it, just take care, okay?"

Without turning to look at him, Tavros nodded and changed the channel.  
Gamzee gave Drake a last encouraging smile before focusing back on the show.

As Drake turned to leave, he felt like slapping himself…  
He hadn't planned for the evening to turn out like this!

His stupid overprotective self had ruined it, and now Tavros was mad at him, probably because he thought that his father was against him being gay, when it was simply Gamzee that unsettled him.  
But in the end, hadn't Gamzee been the only one to act maturely? Not having any hard feelings towards Drake for the rude behaviour?  
Deep in thoughts, Drake stepped outside and walked over to his car, not noticing how Rufioh had slipped out through the backdoor.

Back inside, Gamzee, who had of course noticed Rufioh's disappearance, gently took Tavros' hands into his.

"Sorry for my dad" Tav said, looking down at their intertwined fingers, smiling softly.

"He just doesn't get it… that he's hurting me."

Gamzee wanted to say something, but Tavros kept going.

"It's like, he tells me that he's fine with me dating a guy and then he just screws it up all over again… why?"

"He's just motherfucking worried I think" Gamzee said,

"And I don't think it's because you are dating a guy…"

Sighing, Tav looked up into Gamzee's eyes and shook his head lightly.

"He doesn't really know you, why would you be the reason he's so strange?"

Gamzee shrugged.

"Is it weird when I say that I have the strange feeling that he does know me? I think he's a respectable motherfucker, and you shouldn't worry, he'll get over it."

Slowly, Tav began to smile and squeezed Gamzee's hand gently.  
Taking that as an invitation, Gamzee pulled Tavros closer and wrapped one arm around his waist.

"Now what'll we do now?"

For a moment, the voice of Rufioh echoed in Tav's head, reminding him of the condoms and he turned red instantly.

"I bet you just thought of something fucking dirty" Gamzee said, letting out a deep chuckle.

Tavros wanted to deny it, when Gamzee picked him up and sat him down on the couch.

"Wh – "

"Making out in your wheelchair doesn't sound too exciting, right?" the tall boy asked, grinning slightly.

"Though I guess it does have a bit of an appeal…" he added, winking at Tavros, before he sat down next to Tavros.

"Let's save that for some other time."

Tavros chuckled nervously while Gamzee pulled his numb legs over his lap and the tall boy leaned in, placing a gentle kiss on Tav's lips.

Instinctively, Tav wrapped his arms around Gamzee's neck when he felt Gamzee pulling away, keeping him in place.  
Smiling, Gamzee brought up a hand to cup Tav's face, steadying himself on the backrest with the other hand.  
Soft kisses turned into nibs and bites, teases that caused Tavros to eventually take initiative.  
He pulled Gamzee even closer, motioning him to stop teasing him.  
Gamzee chuckled, but obliged, deepening the kiss and pressing his body closer against Tav's  
His hand wandered down to he hem of Tav's shirt and his fingers began trailing up under the soft fabric.  
Tavros moaned softly, and buried his fingers in Gamzee's locks.  
Suddenly, and way too early for Tav, Gamzee pulled back, just to lean back in, claiming Tavros' neck for himself.

He bit down on a sensitive spot, hoping to leave a bruise as he began to suck on the spot, enjoying Tav's mewls and the tugging on his hair.  
His hand began to rub circles into the soft skin, slowly heading downwards.  
When his fingers reached the waistband of Tav's jeans, he felt a hand around his wrists.

"Gamz…" Tav said, panting softly.

Gamzee leaned back and brought his face up to look into Tavros' eyes, not moving his hand.

"Don't panic lil' bro… if you really don't want this, I'll stop, okay? You say so, I'll fucking stop, but until then – "

He pressed a light kiss on Tav's lips

"– just motherfucking enjoy it."

For a moment, Tav wavered, but eventually he nodded.  
He closed his eyes when he slid his hand up Gamzee's arm, resting it on the other's biceps, and he felt the fingers trailing lower.  
The calloused fingers gracing on his skin shot sparks through his body, and he clawed Gamzee's arm, nervous, aroused and a bit scared…  
Gamzee chuckled and softly kissed Tav's cheek, hoping to calm him down a bit, as his fingers reached their destination.  
He decided to take it slow and focus on Tavros' reaction, but he had to hold himself back.  
The way Tavros' breath hitched and the fingers digging into his arm were a major problem when it came to holding back, and Gamzee tried to keep himself from taking advantage of this situation.  
He felt that Tav wasn't completely sure about this…

When Gamz began to move his hand, Tav held back a surprised moan and dug his fingers deeper into Gamzee's skin.  
It felt way too good to stop, but he couldn't seem to stop his brain from hassling him.  
He loved Gamzee, and this should feel right… but somehow it didn't.  
It was invasive, despite him wanting this, almost as if he wasn't exactly ready yet.  
Maybe Gamzee wouldn't stop here… maybe he would convince him just as easily to do more.

The condoms and Rufioh came to his mind and suddenly his heart skipped a beat.

What if they did end up in bed? Or if Gamzee would do it on the couch?  
He was definitely not ready!

Tav tried to move, but all strength seemed to have left his arms.

"Gamz" he said, breathlessly.

Taking Tav's moaned words as encouragement, Gamzee sped up his movements and chuckled softly.

Again, Tavros gathered all his power and managed to lightly push Gamzee.

"Stop…"

Surprised, Gamzee stopped and leant back, watching as Tavros opened his eyes and averted them immediately.

"What's wrong Tav?" he asked, not moving his hand.

Tavros sighed.  
It had seemed like such a good idea before, but now he felt even more ashamed and stupid.  
Maybe Gamzee hated him now…

"I – I – I am not ready…" he said, words merely a whisper.

"Sorry" he added, biting his bottom lip.

"If you, uh, want to go now – "

"Do you want me to go?"

Upon hearing the serious and slightly angry tone in Gamzee's voice, Tavros looked up into his eyes.

"No, I – "

Sighing annoyed, Gamzee pulled his hand out of Tav's pants and wiped it on his jeans.

"Did you expect me to be angry now?"

Tavros shrugged.

"Aren't you angry?"

Wrapping an arm around and pulling Tav up, the older boy shook his head and snuggled close to Tavros.

"I told you I'd fucking stop… so why would I be getting my panties in a twist? What fucking annoys me is the fact that you think I'd be upset."

Tavros gave him an embarrassed smile and leant against Gamzee, now relieved and less scared.

"But, I mean, are you all right with it?"

"Well, if what you're asking is if I am okay with not screwing out your brain right now despite being a horny fuck, then I guess I am, but just because it's you."

As always, the straightforwardness of Gamzee startled Tav, but he decided not to meditate on it right now, and closed his eyes.

He didn't even know how long they sat there before he fell asleep, but when he woke up, he was lying in his bed.  
It was still dark, but Tav could see his wheelchair next to the nightstand, well, part of it.  
A sleeping Gamzee blocked most of his view, arms wrapped around Tav and softly snoring.

Like the last time they had shared a bed, there was a peaceful expression on his face, and if it hadn't been for the scars, Tavros would have been sure to have an angel lying next to him.

* * *

"TAVROS!"

Calling out the name as loud as he could, Drake hasted through the dark forest, adrenaline pumping through his veins and fear tearing at this heart.

He had to find him…

What if he didn't?  
Maybe he was already too late?

No!

Drake shook his head and kept running, trying to chase the thoughts away, when suddenly he heard a whimper.

Instantly, Drake came to a halt before sprinting in the direction of the sound he had heard.  
After some metres, the ground seemed to end, and he stood in front of a steep slope.  
Drake looked around quickly, looking for a way down, just as he heard the whimper again.

"Please" he begged and began climbing down, ignoring the dirt or the scratches it caused him.

Panting and sore, he finally reached the ground.  
He turned around and noticed something in the wood.  
A red shoe…

Without losing another second, he ran towards the shoe, praying to god to find his boy…  
He wanted to rush over and pick up his son, but when he reached him, his legs became lead.

Nausea hit him and he had to hold back the tears.

"Tav?" he asked, his voice shaking.

"Daddy!" the boy sobbed with a hoarse voice.

Drake reached out for his son, hands shaking, when he noticed a man standing a bit further away, crowbar in hand.

For a moment, he almost charged at the guy who had done this to his son, but then he saw the man's face.

It was his own.

"NO!"

Covered in sweat and shaking, Drake woke up to a bright, quiet bedroom.

Still trembling, he sat up and rested his head against the headboard, closing his eyes.

"It was only a dream" he said to himself, trying to calm his nerves.

"Only a dream…" he repeated, hoping to one day convince himself that what he'd seen was simply a dream…


End file.
